oneshot chronicles // exo&bts ff

two ; luhan

{ All Alone }

I never felt more alone in my entire life.
Although my fresh, new apartment was just right for myself, I was still alone in the empty spaces.  It was just like Darkness and sadness has taken over the brightness and cheerfulness of my residence, covering its sunlight like a curtain.

The appearances I did in movies and in events, I have never felt more alone in the crowds of people around. Looking into their eyes, I knew they wanted to have a chat with me, but didn't, probably due to their shock and amusement of myself appearing at the same event as them.

Although I was just like that, I tried to bring myself to talk to others, but I just can't, it was just too difficult.

The only happiness I experienced in a while was when I saw my formal coworker, Wu Yifan, on the big screen during an event I attended. All I knew that I had truly smiled out of pure happiness, so relieved to see another member after so long.

But the happiness quickly vanished when I arrived home, and then I was back to my old, ugly self again.

To take up my spare time, I quickly spot the shining razor that rested on my bedside, picking it up within an instant.

Holding it in my shaking hand, I quickly slice it against my thigh, the fresh cut stinging in response as I tried my hardest to ignore. I kept repeating the action several times, watching the blood slowly dripping down above the old scars. After I couldn't take the pain anymore, I couldn't help but to silently sob in my arms, dropping the razor as it hits the hardwood ground.

But even my foolish actions couldn't help my loneliness.

I begin to regret every single one of my decisions that I chose to do from the very beginning. I expected my actions do lead me to a happier life, my life to begin to take off the rocky road and onto the smooth, but everything I expected went the complete opposite.

I expected everyone that I left behind would be okay without me. But my heart that went through many pains began to break when a friend of mine cried, seeing my face and my name, Luhan, in public.

I wished to answer why I couldn't think twice before making my decisions.