Shy Side

one

People with social anxiety may not be shy at all. They can be completely at ease with people most of the time, but particular situations, such as walking down an aisle in public or making a speech, can give them intense anxiety.
-psychcentral.com

In this story Harry has Social Anxiety Phobia disorder. While this disorder affects every person differently, it affects Harry how that one phrase describes. He gets anxious in different situations. He can talk with a person and have normal conversations, but not groups. He can most times walk down the hall in groups, but if he were walking down an aisle with all eyes on him then he gets anxious. He can't present things, be in group projects or groups in general. He may have a fear of something happening at an event and fear it for days or weeks beforehand. Overwhelming situations such as relationships are hard for him as well. There are so many other things that set him off, and things that will build up and cause panic attacks, those were just some.

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Harry has always been quiet in school. He doesn't like talking out loud to the class or to a group of people. He likes being with himself and himself only. He's okay with one other person, but if there's more than two people including himself, than nonono that does not do.

He keeps to himself. His things and his thoughts. He sometimes talks to himself, too, since although he's alright with one person he doesn't ever have said person. As long as he doesn't answer himself, he's always said. His mum or sister don't count. They're his guardians. He doesn't want them to count. Doesn't let them. Because relatives can't be your friends, right? That's what he's always been told when saying that his best friend was his sister. His best friend is only allowed to be someone not related to him, everyone says.

So, now at the moment his best friend is the little grey cat who is six years old yet still looks like a baby. Giggles. Harry calls her giggles, and, oh gosh, he can't wait till Giggles has little baby Giggles. He's already named the baby giggles. He doesn't know how many Giggle Jr's he'll have, but for now there's Blue, Chop Suey, and Suzie Q.

Harry's a Sophomore. He's sixteen. He's already gotten his license, although the driving isn't his favorite. He likes to do the shopping for his mum. He doesn't prefer driving to the store, since when he was fourteen he could walk there, and walk there he did. But now they're in Doncaster, and Doncaster's a bit bigger and different than Holmes Chapel.

Harry certainly doesn't have any friends at his new school. They think he's a bit weird. He's considered a cry baby. He really isn't. He just has a social anxiety disorder, and he's not afraid to admit it. He doesn't like knowing that people make fun of him, and yet he does know. His classmates aren't the best at whispering.

At first, his mum and everyone else just thought it happened because of how isolated he was since he never socialized on his own with friend groups. He just couldn't do it, no matter how many times he told himself he'd be fine, he always knew, or thought, that he wasn't fine. So, he didn't really ever have friends.

He didn't use his phone a lot either, still doesn't. He doesn't keep up with the latest things unless it's music, which he listens to constantly. The only thing he uses is instagram, though. He has quite the amount of followers, too. A lot from Holmes Chapel. A lot of people there used to just think he was cute. People here think he's stupid. He doesn't know though since he doesn't pay attention to them. He follows everyone he knows back, whether he see's they go to his school or knows they're from the area. He also has Taylor Swift's follow on twitter, but he doesn't really know what the importance of that is. He doesn't post anything either. He's too nervous that someone may judge what he posts.

Harry doesn't question people when they talk to him. He'll converse with them, he just doesn't quite care most of the time, unless it's someone he's interested in. Although if he's really disinterested in a conversation then he'll dismiss himself kindly. Because god, what if he says the wrong thing just from not being interested? If it's someone he does seem to be interested in, he won't hesitate to tell them so. He may blush brighter than a tomato, stutter on what he wants to say, and become much shyer or anxious than he normally is. But if it's not someone he likes than he tries to be straight forward with them. Very honest. Clueless about some things, but honest.

It's only the people he likes that he's nervous with. Where his disorder comes out to play with him. No one else but the people he's interested in. And not as in a famous person. I mean someone he really likes. As in a cute person he wants to know, someone he wants to become friends with, or someone he cares about. Or if he's out anywhere with said person then he's nervous. He could be out at the same place with his sister, or a cousin and he wouldn't hesitate to speak up about anything. It's just one of his things.

So, when a boy from his English, and Photography class comes up to him in the library during lunch one day he doesn't quite question him.

"Where did you get that book?" the stranger asks Harry.

He doesn't look up, avoiding eye contact, and just turns around in his chair and points over to the one corner of the library. "Over there. Quite interesting. Galaxy's," he says, flipping the page in his book.

The boy chuckles, "I guess. I'm just doing a project on them. I needed that specific book, but I couldn't seem to find-"

"You can have this one!" Harry chirps, then quiets down, "uh... I'm done with it. They're fantastic. The stars and all," he says with pursed lips, closing the book and setting it down onto the table. He looks up at the boy, and smiles. "Wow, you're pretty," he mumbles under his breath, "uh, did you uhm. Did anyone come?" he asks, "uh, w-with you? Anyone come with you?"

The other boy just smiles a bit, "Uhm, is this a trick question?"

Harry stares blankly at him, "No. No no no. I just don't like people. Uhm. Not comfortable with more than two people... not counting myself, unless I'm with my family. They don't count," he says, not taking his eyes off of the boy.

Said boy sits down, an amused smile on his face, "Why don't relatives count?" he asks.

Harry shakes his head as if it's obvious, "Uh, b-because I know them. Kids when I was younger said sisters can't be friends. Or best friends," his eyes are wide, and he's shaking his head, making the other boy smile bigger.

"My sister is one of my best friends, that's not wrong. Your sister can absolutely be your best friend. Whoever told you that is wrong," he tells Harry.

Harry furrows his eyebrows, "Well, no. Whole class says that- said that. They uhm, uh, all agreed... no sister's best friend," he was frustrated and confused, and the other boy could tell. So he nodded and dropped the subject.

"Okay, okay. Only for you though. My sister is still one of my best friends," he chuckles, "but why only two people?"

"W-What?" Harry deadpans.

The boy smiles with a shake of his head, "Earlier you said you're only comfortable with two people. How come?" he questions.

Harry's cheeks flush. He knew that. He didn't need to question what he was asking. "Because I-I don't like it. I don't deal well with, with groups of people, or speaking in front of g-groups," he's looking down in his lap, shaking his head with furrowed eyebrows. He's getting himself flustered, and takes a big breath before looking back up.

That's one reason why Harry always got out of gym class as a kid. In high school they didn't pick their own teams. The gym teachers did. Though when he was younger they always let kids pick. Harry was always chosen last. Every single damn time they played anything. Always. It started when he was only small, which is why he got the stupid thought that if he wasn't in a group than he couldn't be left out of anything. He thought of that as a young kid, and since no one was ever really there in situations to tell him otherwise, he applied it to other things in life. Which soon applied to everything. His mum was never there to figure it out, as parents weren't invited to gym class or school in general.

The other boy figured it out right away though, "I understand," he nods softly, "what's your name, by the way?"

"Harry Styles," Harry spits out, "that's my name," he says, his voice trailing off at the end.

"Louis Tomlinson," the other boy smiles, "that's my name," he smiles, "and you're pretty too, Harry. A bit shy around me, but I don't mind," he shrugs, grinning.

Harry just beams at the other boy, clasping his hands together under the table. He whispers, "thank you, Louis Tomlinson," his cheeks are a bright pink. Then it's time to go, and Harry scurries up from his seat after Louis, "w-will you uhm... tomorrow?" Harry asks, his voice tuning out into a nervous squeak at the end.

Louis smiles at him, "Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow. Get the book from you then," he nodded, giving him a shake of the curls before leaving.