Learning to Grieve

Chapter 1

7 DAYS EARLIER

It was a beautiful summer's day, the sun was shining, the birds were singing.

Wow that makes it sound like a fairy tale but it was actually the most beautiful summer day I had ever seen, almost magical, almost too perfect.

I was driving out of the petrol station on the way to a friend's beginning of the school year party. I turned up the volume on my favourite radio station when I heard the news start.

"A 17 year old female was killed this morning on a farm in Foster, after a tragic quad bike accident," declared the news reporter.

I got a shiver down my spine, like thousands of tiny spiders were crawling over me. That poor girl. Her family and friends must be devastated. And so close to beginning of the new school year‼

As the news report finished I got a phone call.

"Cynthia, where are you?" Mum greets me, it sounds like she's been crying.

"Heading over to Carolyn's. Why? What's wrong?" I reply, there was a slight note of panic in voice.

"Just get here as fast as you can. Be safe. I love you Cynthia," Mum says then she disconnects.

I hope everything's okay... No mum would have told me if there was something seriously wrong... Just keep thinking positive.

I attempted to bring a smile to my face, but it felt more like a grimace, turning up the volume of my radio. I endeavoured to eliminate all negative thoughts from my brain.

When I walked into Carolyn's house, I can almost taste the tension in the air, all happy thoughts that were once in my head had gone and I knew something was wrong. My mum rushed up to me, tears streaming down her face, and gave the biggest bear hug ever. I got even more worried. We walked into the lounge room of Carolyn's house; mum was gripping on to me like a vice, as if I'd disappear in an instant.

When we got to the spacious lounge room, I saw nearly my entire group of friends huddle together, waiting in anticipation for the news that had all the parents crying. I noticed that my best friend Amber was missing.

"Mum, where is Amber?" I asked. Mum looked at me with pity and sorrow.

"Sit down please Cynthia. We have something we need to tell all of you." She replies in a soft voice, as if she is about to breakdown crying again.

Once I was seated amongst my friends, all the adults get up as a unit and stand at the front of us.

Carolyn's mum coughed to get our attention and in a very emotionless and business-like manner said, "Now girls we have some very sad news. I am sure you have noticed that Amber is not here. You see this morning Amber was in a quad bike accident..."

I didn't have to hear the rest of what she was going to say, I knew Amber was the 17 year old who was killed this morning in this quad bike accident, yet I did not want to believe it.

Amber can't be gone... she was my best friend, the person I turned to for anything... And now she's just gone? ... She can't leave me to finish high school on my own, what about our trip around Australia...

My friends burst into tears and look to each other for comfort, and yet my eyes are dry and I feel no will to cry or grieve the loss of my best friend. The girls look at me with pity and pull me into a hug to comfort me, but I don't need the comforting, I don't feel anything. They are the ones that need me to comfort them; they need me to be the strong person they believed I am.

* * *

That night I begged myself to cry, to show any emotion at all. To prove that Amber meant anything to me and her not being here anymore meant something.