Let Go and Move On

The story started when my stubborn heart, will and mind collides. I fell in love with someone I used to talk with always. We met on an online radio station and that commenced our so-called-love-story. Let's just say that we have something in common; common character, habits and aspirations and that made us feel comfortable with each other. Day after day, we exchanged texts and phone calls, making every moment special. We also have those video chats and skype. It's like we never ran out of stories and we were building our own world, just I and he. Until then, we met personally. He even put forth effort to see my family and bond with them. Little did I know that I'm starting to admire him but we are good friends, how can that be?

Days passed. We continue to be that way. But each day worries me. What if I'm the only one who feels this? Just what ifs. So questions enter my mind and yes, it turned not so good. Until one day, he initiated to talk with me. The thing was settled because we two, felt the same. And so, courtship began.

After months, I said yes to him. Finally, we are legally committed. It's the best feeling ever. It feels like floating in the air. He was a sweet guy, caring and gentle. I'm the first girl he introduced to his family. He loved to surprise me and makes effort to see me in his eventful schedule. He even cooked for me. Not even a dull moment is present whenever we were together. I even looked to him as my husband to be. And I guess so, I believe we will end up that way. I dreamt. Often, I dreamt of it.

Until one day, something happened to him and his brother. That made him decide to leave his family and live a life of his own. He went so far that in a month, we had no communication. No text, no call, nothing at all. That made me so sad, so down and so hopeless. How could he possibly even survived without me? Didn't he even think about me and my feelings? I was hurt. All I had those days were his promises. He will be fine. He will come back. He will marry me.

Then, one day, he returned. I was so happy seeing him. It was a dream. I was so excited to tell everything, every story and details happened to me in a month of his lost but to my surprised, a shocking news changed everything.

He told me that he had a child, a four month old child. Blood of his blood, flesh of his flesh. And that will certainly affect us. That incident made him decide to leave me all at once. He let go of me. He was so selfish that time. I broke into tears. I cried aloud. I even don't know what to say, where to start. I let him go..... As he wished...

Everything about us is all a memory now, a memory which meant to be forgotten. It's never been easy. In fact, it was a nightmare. It was a wound, a scar that will really take time to be healed. I wanted to be angry that time, to break out but I can't. I never regret meeting him. I know in my heart it's painful but I have to bear. I take it as a consequences of my choice. I am the one to blame of all this because after all I chose him.

Days passed, the pain was still there. But I have to let go of this pain. And so I decided to forgive him and forget everything by doing the things to be done, praying to God for healing and by the help of my family. Good thing, I've got them as my backed up and they supported me a hundred fold. Thanks to them, moving on becomes easy, though sometimes when alone, I still remember him and all good memories we had. I too, encouraged myself telling that "God has a better plan, trust him". It's okay to cry to ease the pain but I choose to surrender. I may not understand it but life doesn't end there. I have to continue loving and hoping that things would be better. Yes, it will.