What Koi Cannot Eat

1

Koi have always wondered what the world really like before the war. For normal people, it's already that hard to think about the stuff that they never had and never experienced. For Koi, it was harder. Much, much harder. But still, he couldn't help but imagine the time before he was born. Maybe it was the curiosity. Or envy. Who knew? How could one be envious if he has no idea what those things were? He didn't even understand what 'colors' meant so how could he picture a green field and blue oceans? What is music? What is noise? Can he eat it?

When Koi was younger, Old Hag would put things on his hand and then create series of signs using her own hand. He didn't understand any of it at first but eventually, he found out that those signs represent names. Everything has a name. He has a name. Even the discomforts he possessed has a name. They're called blindness and deafness. Poverty and pain. Anger and hunger. Name was the only good thing that's bundant in a world that's full of scarcity. Too bad, he cannot eat names.

Once, Old Hag put a heavy thing on his lap. It reeked of funky pungent odor of desolation and age. The old woman took his hand and spelled out b-o-o-k. For a time, she explained how the thing called 'book' contain stories and amazing tales. Old Hag then began bringing him more books and with patience, she shares stories to him by hand signs. Koi was fascinated. For an eyeless child, books appealed to him as a source of magic. But his enthusiasm didn't last long. Not too long thereafter, he realized he cannot eat books.

Koi, along with Old Hag, and a few other survivors, live in a former fallout shelter. They've been squatting there for almost twelve years now. The bunker used to be tucked inside a limestone cave called Bantakay and was built for high-profile politicians from the city. The metal bunker survived the bombs and still stands today, while the cave is gone, decimated to nothing but bits of rocks and dirt. Not that he cared. He cannot eat broken rocks.

Rainy season came and the whole community became riddled with mosquitoes and fast-spreading flu virus. Mal, a girl whose coarse hair smells like sulfur, suggested they burn the books and make fire. Old Hag got mad when she said that but the others agreed. Koi thought it's a good idea. Fire could keep them warm. It could ward off mosquitoes. It could even roast those antlered bunnies that's been ruining his camotes. He cannot eat raw bunny meat.

Raw bunny meat could cause bunny fever. Koi once knew a boy who died of it. The boy was roasted as well afterwards. Koi liked antlered bunnies because meat is hard to come by. Well, they're not really antlers but tumors caused by a virus called Shope papilloma, Old Hag kept insisting that. Even viruses has names, so it seems, but that doesn't matter to Koi. He cannot eat tumors.

Fortunately, he has his tubers and roots. He can definitely eat roots. Camote was his favorite although he has to be very careful because other kids are always trying to steal them. That's why he always plant the tubers somewhere far from the bunker. As of now, he has camotes sprouting near the old steel tower. It took a long time to reach the tower but he already memorized the path. Using an improvised walking stick Old Hag made for him, he already familiarized his way through the rocks, burnt matter, and beds of ashes. Aside from names, ash and clouds of suffocating miasma were the only things that are plenty. Sadly, Koi cannot eat ash.

Reaching the steel tower, Koi held on the cold metal to stabilize his stance. After resting a bit, he then knelt on the dry ground, feeling onto the dry-almost-dead leaves of his camotes. He's sure, the roots were thin and small, but it's food. Being picky is a luxury he cannot afford. He cannot eat choosy-ness.

He's about to pull one root when his palm landed on the upturned soil. A sudden pang of panic rushed into him as he grab around the powdery earth. No roots. Nothing. All he found were dry camote leaves and stalks. He could've screamed curses if he could, as the grumbling in his stomach was made worse by his anger. He cannot eat anger.

Suddenly, a heavy body landed on him, successfully making him hit the dry soil. His face hurt at the impact. Coughing out the ash, he tried to push and kick but the body was sturdy. More scuffle ensued until a mass of coarse hair whipped his face. Koi inhaled the choking essence of sulfur. Mal.

He grabbed her hair forward as her nails dug and scratched his face. Pain wasn't a new thing for him. He actually liked it. With his handicaps, his sense of pain was the only thing that has no limitation. As he tried to hold her down, Koi found a way inside Mal's backpack and there he found his missing camotes. Anger flared up inside him once again. Grabbing her neck, he pressed his fingers closed and really tight. Mal kicked and struggled but she couldn't get his hands off her. After a few minutes, she stopped moving.

Koi breathed heavily as he wiped the ash off his mouth and nose. He pushed Mal's lifeless body facedown so he could get her backpack where his camotes were. After gathering his roots, his attention went back to Mal. For a few moments, Koi tried to feel around his chest if there's any remorse but he found none. Breathing out, he stood up and started to make his way back to the bunker.

He's going to get books and few woods for fire. He would be definitely needing fire today. After all, he cannot eat raw meat.