On a String

Chapter 12

"I don't know how long I can hold my breath with you.
But I'm not letting go yet,
Cause I'm not ready,
No, I'm not ready to give up on us.
Ooooohhhhhhh...
We fall so fast but we crash so slow..."
It's Worth It' by Jackie

There was silence.

Not the awkward silence between two people who have just met and don't know how to start a conversation. Not the content silence of full stomachs and satisfied sugar cravings after a good meal and a delicious dessert. Not the peaceful silence of meditation.

Just silence. Far too much silence. Black silence. Horrified silence. (Graveyard silence).

The silence of death.

... Why did everything relate back to silence and death?

Death. Murder. ...Killer.

Kai was a killer.

("Hahaha, bro! No way! She'd never go out with you! She's gonna go out with me!")

("It's called Four Weapons, not For Browsing,")

("Haha! I wish I could see me now... Coz all of you just got Kai'd!")

Kai was a killer.

Kai.

Killer.

The two words shouldn't be put together. (Like branding and Kai. Or powerless and Kai. Or Kai and scared. So many things shouldn't be put together; made into an equation with a horrifying answer).

No one seemed to know where to look. At Kai? At the body? At each other? At the bloodstained knife still embedded hilt deep in the corpse? At the very interesting tabletop?

The tabletop seemed to be the safest bet and everyone seated around the table examined it intensely. It really was very interesting. The wood, the polish and the... um... well... wood?

Okay, so it wasn't that fascinating. But they studied it anyway.

[Sometimes it feels better to stay locked up in delusion than come out and face the monster that is reality.

Yet feelings aren't a good guide to reality because, like people, they can lie.

But what do you do when your delusion shatters and it becomes apparent that the lies you believed didn't actually help you, but rather, contributed to your fall by blinding and pushing you over the edge? Is it better to face reality or drown in delusion?

Beware of the darkness of drowning.

(Not physical death. Because a calm, focused, truthful mind can face anything- even its own demise.)

Sometimes, death is not the enemy. Lies are. They tear everything apart; ripping through relationships, (like metal blades through skin; pain and destruction grow- while hope bleeds away...)- destroying the fabric of souls.

Don't let the darkness win.

Don't let your soul drown in lies.]

It felt the air had frozen and no one was able to breathe. Nor could they move. Even if they could breathe and move, they wouldn't.

They were frozen in silence.

Heavy silence (heavy like black and death and-).

Statues stuck in time.

Waiting to be woken up (to feel the sun again).

To have life breathed into them once more.