Letters from Home (Jean Kirstein x Reader)

Letters from Home

"Well? You gonna just stand there?" He says, he's grinning and it's pissing me off.
"Ugh! You want me to fight you? You asked for it!" I lunge at him, hitting him square in the chest, knocking him back and wiping that grin off of his face. He stands and brushes himself off.
"That was a lucky hit! You won't get so lucky next time!" He runs at me, swiping his leg across the ground at my feet, sweeping me off my feet, sending me tumbling to the ground., He stands over me, smirking. I groan as he opens his mouth to speak.
"Looks like I've won."
"Not just yet!" I push myself up, wrapping my legs around his waist, bringing him down beside me. I leap to my feet and stand over him.
"It looks-" I say, grinning "-like I've won." He mumbles something I can't quite hear and I help him up.
"Looks like you just can't beat me, Jean!" I laugh at his annoyed expression, his intense, light coloured eyes, avoiding mine. His two toned hair is swaying slightly in the breeze. He's kind of cute, in a way, but he's obnoxious and rude most of the time, I hate him.

He keeps coming at me the whole time, but I knock him down easy. We both know that there isn't much point to this, we'll never use hand-to-hand combat against the Titans, we just really hate each other. I've beaten him ten times in a row now, but he hasn't given up yet, one of the few things I admire about him. When it's over, I head to the girls dorms, to take a bath and change, my clothes are dirty and my long (H/C) hair is in tangles around my face.

The water is warm.

I get out of the bath and change into my own clothes, not my uniform. I wear a plain white shirt and dark trousers, my (F/C) woolly cardigan wrapped tightly around my chest. It's one my mother had knitted for me. My brown boots are knee-length and made from leather, they're tied up in a double knot to save them from coming undone. I tie my hair back into a high ponytail, my fringe dangling in my (E/C) eyes. The dark circles under my eyes have almost faded, when I first became a cadet I didn't sleep very much. I make my way outside, walking across the dark training grounds to the dinner hall.

It's a long, low wood cabin, surrounded by a few other buildings on either side. The lights are on inside, casting golden rectangles on the ground outside. I open the door and go in.

The other cadets are chatting amongst themselves. Talking, laughing and eating. I grab a plate and sit next to Annie Leonhart. She's quiet, she doesn't talk much. She's strong, a good soldier, and I admire that. She's a good person at heart, deep, deep, deep down. Bertolt Hoover is sat beside her, Reiner Braun is opposite him. Marco Bott and Jean Kirstein are sat beside each other, opposite me and Annie, talking.
"Hello." Annie says, she rarely talks to anyone, but for some reason she doesn't seem as cold towards me, she's probably my closest friend here, other than Sasha Blouse.
"Hi Annie." I reply. "I saw you flipped that Jaeger kid earlier, what was that about?" I laugh a little.
"He was rude, so I taught him a lesson." She replies, she goes back to eating her bread, and so do I.

"Hey, (Y/N)! I heard you kicked Jean's butt today!" Marco laughs, Jean glares at him. I laugh a little.
"Yeah, horse face thought he could beat me." I smile, Jean redirects his glare at me.
"Yeah well, I'll beat you next time!" He argues, Marco suppresses a laugh. "What are you laughing at?!" They continue back and forth like this. They seem quite close, Marco is the only person I've seen that Jean is considerably nice to. He's a complete ass to everyone else.

"Letters from home have arrived!" Keith Shadis opens the door slightly, his eyes are terrifying. He walks inside fully and begins calling out the names of the cadets who have received mail from their family and friends. My name is the seventh to be called out.
"(Y/N) (L/N)!" He calls out. I stand up and collect my mail. There are two letters. One has a red seal on it, the other, I recognize, has my grandmother's handwriting on the front. I open the one from Grandma first.

I drop the letter and sit there, frozen in shock and grief. My mother is...? I don't want to believe it. I can't move from my chair to pick up the letter, I don't have the willpower to do so. Marco and Annie notice my behavior.
"(Y/N)? What's wrong?" Marco asks, Annie looks at me, picks up the letter and reads the first lines. She looks at me sympathetically. Jean looks at me, for the first time, he seems to care.
"(Y/N)? Are you alright? What's wrong? Did something happen..?" He looks at me, his light eyes full of worry.
"My mother..." I manage. They look at me. Marco seems to understand right away, his eyes widen in shock. He looks at me sadly, not knowing what to say. Jean looks at me, confused. I bury my face in my hands, I don't want them to see me cry. A single tear falls, landing on the table with a quiet splash and I get up, leaving the other letter behind, and walk swiftly out of the door.

I can't believe my mother is gone.

I don't want to believe it.

I clutch the piece of fabric in my hand, no one knew it was in the letter. It was the badge from my mothers uniform, blue and white wings on a shield, the green fabric of her cloak was torn neatly.  My mother had been an elite scout, forty three titan kills and seventy two assists. She was amazing. I'd always looked up to her as a child, she was a strong soldier and a wonderful person. I don't want to believe that she is really gone. But, when my father was reported 'missing in action' seven years ago, she became depressed and reckless and lost her hand to an abnormal. My mother never gave up, and neither will I. I'm going to become a scout, just like she was. I look up at the moon, the stars sparkling behind it in the darkness. I think of my mother and how much I'll miss her laugh.

"Mummy! Mummy! Look at me! I'm a big bad scout! I'm gonna kill the titans!" I cry, y mother's cloak wrapped around my shoulders. She laughed, her long dark hair framing her pale face, her blue eyes glitter under the sun. I giggle, my mother is so pretty. I run around, swinging my stick like a sword at the straw dummies my mother keeps around for training. She laughed as she spoke.
"I'm so proud of my little soldier! You're going to be great one day sweetie!" My eyes light up when she smiles. The daisies sway in the light breeze, the blades of grass dancing in the wind.

I'm brought back to reality by a voice.
"I thought that I'd find you out here, (Y/N)." He says. It's Jean. I find that I'm sitting on a hill overlooking the forest beside the training area.
"What d'you want, Jean?" I look up at him, trying to mask the sadness in my voice. He looks down at his feet, pausing for a moment, then looks at me, his eyes reflecting my own pale face back at me.
"I came to see if you were alright, you left before I could ask what was wrong." He says quietly.
"It's nothing."
"It's something, you were crying."
"N-No I wasn't! Go away!" I wipe my eyes, removing all evidence of tears. He sits beside my looking across the trees and at the walls beyond.

"(Y/N), tell me what's wrong." He demands, his tone is firm, but I detect an air of kindness behind that.
"I-My mother is, she's.." I start, but I can't finish. Jean puts his arms around me as I cry. I break down, burying my face against his chest. Tears fall from my eyes like rain from a storm-cloud.
"It's okay. She was a brave soldier, her sacrifice would have surely saved countless lives." I'm momentarily shocked, I didn't think he cared about anyone but himself, but he knew. How did he know?  He listened, even when I wasn't really talking to him. I feel bad for hating him so much.
"I'm sorry." I say suddenly, my voice is quiet, my face streaked with tears. He loosens his arms, allowing me to lean back a little to look up at him.

"What for?" He asks, puzzled.
"For being so harsh, I-I didn't realize that you were, that you were so-" I didn't know how to finish. Kind. I wanted to say, but I didn't want to sound corny. To my surprise he laughs.
"It's alright, I know what you mean. You though I was a heartless jerk, right?"
"What!? N-No that's not what I meant!"
"It's okay, I get it. I thought you were kind of reckless and loud when I first met you, but.." He stopped.
"But what?" I ask, his face turns slowly red, he looks away.
"Nothing!"
"What?" I laugh. He's kind of cute when he's all embarrassed like this. I lean against him, gazing up at the stars. I reach out a hand to the sky.

"They seem so close, don't they? But, you reach out to touch them and, well, you can't." I say, my tone sad, Jean looks down at me sadly.
"Yeah, I get what you mean. But it's okay, right? I mean, we have everything we need here, even if we can't reach the stars." He sounds so sad, like he's lived a million lives, never able to touch the stars, if you get what I mean. I look  up at Jean, his eyes see right through me, like my soul is made of glass. I wish we could sit here, like this, forever. Just looking at the stars, together. He laces his fingers through mine, and I don't even care. I'm just glad that he's here with me.