<pre style="line-height: 21px; white-space: normal; color: #444444; font-size: 15px; text-align: start;">I'd like to share my story! If its kind of long... Sorry! Haha my twitter is @alexistrapani if you want to know who I am!!
In April of 2008 I moved to a different state away from my home to live with my grandma and grandpa. I was extremely happy because my grandpa and I were extremely close. Whenever I was crying, the only way my mom could get me to stop was to call him and I'd talk on the phone for hours with him just so he could calm me down. It was relieving, having someone there for you when you needed advice and everything.
In May of 2009, things took a turn for the worse and he passed away on the 28th. Devastated was an understatement. I took it pretty hard and I haven't been the same since. I started feeling sad all the time and everything was just going wrong for my family and I felt like there was nothing I could do to stop it. Being depressed is the worst because it feels like you're stuck and everything is blurred. You can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and you just feel like giving up. I never wanted to admit I was depressed because I felt stupid for even bringing it up. As I'm getting older, I'm trying to figure out who I am but I can't. I feel lost. I'm still depressed as I said before but I think it may have gotten worse. I've gained weight (really ashamed of myself) and sometimes I stay up to the wee hours of the morning just so I can cry in peace. I'm the master at silent crying.
Anxiety has now taken a huge part of my life now and if anyone has that, it's the worst thing in the world to experience. I can't go out in crowds anymore and feel comfortable. I can't even go out and be with my family without feeling uncomfortable. I think the whole reason why my depression has gotten worse is because of the harassment from my own family. I decided this year that I wanted to do my work online for school because the pressure going there and being in front of all those people just got to me. My aunt and uncle absolutely hate the idea of me doing online schooling because they think I need to socialize. I'm that quiet girl who never speaks in class. I've tried making friends but no one seems interested. I only have one friend out of all the friends I've tried to make. After a while, that brings you down when you see all these people with friends and you only have one and no matter how hard you try, you just can't seem to make more.
Like I said before, my uncle thinks it's funny to call me antisocial and hermit... All those names people think are funny but aren't. It makes me want to hide even more. I used to go over to their house and hang out but that's all they do is talk about how I need to go back to school or complain about what my sister does. I'm ALWAYS second best to my sister. ALWAYS. and yes... That makes me even more sad.
I want someone to talk to about this and the only person who I feel comfortable with has left me forever. I'm a lost, broken, insecure girl who can't be fixed. But I'm trying. I've recently went to the doctor to try and get help because I cannot take this anymore. I'm supposed to go to therapy sessions to help me calm myself with my anxiety. I didn't want to admit that I had a problem, and I still don't want to, but I have to. Because that's the only way I'll stop fake smiling. That's the only way I'll feel like myself again. I'm writing this story to help inspire anyone who wants to tell people and get help but don't know how to. I was petrified when I told my mom but she was gentle and she listened. If I can do this... You can too</pre>
