To love or not to love?...what a question

Define me

I am...what am I? I am getting on a bit (as my mother likes to remind me) and time is running out for me (apparently.) tick tock goes the clock if you know what I mean... in other words I'm 33 and have been in a relationship with 3 guys. and I have given up, 5 years I was with each man each time I hoped and prayed he would be the one. He never was. the first few years would be full of planning for the future. which would  never come, and I would drown my sorrows with my friends Ben and Jerry, a stack of romcoms and a box of tissues( soooo non-stereotypical, right?) I would then put on a pretty dress, pretend I felt beautiful and get back on the metaphorical horse. After relationship number 3 I realised maybe what I wanted,or more importantly what my mother wanted, was not meant to be. After 15 years of wasted time on men I decided it had been long enough. And again my mother was the one to disagree.

"Annabee, honey you are a lovely girl with a kind heart but that isn't what men want nowadays. the want a tiger in the bedroom, someone they can have fun with in their "red room of pain," please honey make an effort. relationships are about give and take."

to which I  bow my head and mumble that I would try to make the next one work.(I've yet to tell her I am not planning on there being "another one", i'm frightened she might lose it completely.) I love my mum but I have given up on the prospect of a loving husband with kids to be treasured. she however  hasn't given up on the prospect of  a son-in-law and grandchildren, apparently my brothers 4 aren't enough. Tom and Beth are both georgeus and their kids were proof of that, sometimes would look at them and want to cry. I  tell myself that I could still have kids. mr right could come along at any moment.  apparently I have  expectations are far to high. all I want is a handsome, smart, tall, funny, confident, hard working, sensitive, kind, patient, jolly, non-smoking, non-drinking, non-drug, non- tattooed, who is healthy with no serious hereditary heath problems, and in everyway the gentleman to be my sperm donor. I mean women are doing it for themselves these days. we don't need a man to make out lives complete, right? I think the idea might kill my mother. She's VERY old school, with a bit of 50 shades of grey thrown in, I think its all kind of wrong. at the moment I'm trying to put her off the idea of becoming a sex therapist. that idea is enough to give any child, no matter how old nightmares. She would start giving out free and unwanted advice on how to better my sex life or worse to complete strangers. Or even worse to...my friends. my mind wants to shut down at that thought. I can't blame it. but the main fact is I want a family and if I can't get a guy to commit and have a family then I'll start one on my own. When I find the right sperm donor.