My Little Pony Massacre

The sun smiled down upon the beautiful town of Equestria. The ponies were going about their daily business, and Derpy Hooves was hidden in the background, as usual. But this time, Derpy Hooves was up to something different... Something much more sinister.  Derpy Hooves watched all the ponies gather around in the town square, laughing and playing. Derpy Hooves sat, hidden in the shadows, awaiting her opportunity to attack. She polished her gun and prepared for her revenge. 

Time ticked by slowly, as Derpy Hooves awaited the dark of night. Soon, the lights began to go out in the houses of the ponies, and the sun's energizing rays turned to the moon's tranquil calming. This was it. This was what Derpy Hooves had been waiting for. Derpy grabbed her gun, and charged into Rainbow Dash's home. Rainbow Dash was asleep.

"H-Huh?" Rainbow Dash uttered as she awoke.

"Rainbow Dash. The first on my list." Derpy Hooves said. "You see, Rainbow, I've been left out of the show for far too long. You fools! I shall wreak my unholy revenge upon all of you!"

"No! We didn't choose to put ourselves in the spotlight, constantly! It's the writers! They dictate every minute, every second of our lives. They are God!"

Derpy Hooves was struck with the realization that Rainbow Dash was right. 

"It... it was?" Derpy asked.

"Yes! Please, Derpy, set us free! Smack a bitch! Do what you must!"

"Yes. I shall smack a bitch. I SHALL FREE YOU ALL!" Derpy accepted the challenge. Derpy slipped her gun back into its holster and trotted out of Rainbow Dash's house, with full intent to smack a bitch. Derpy galloped out of Equestria, prepared to wander along the barren, uncharted lands of the rest of My Little Pony. With only a gun, an iPod full of Telemundo podcasts, and a heart full of rage, Derpy set out to find the mysterious land of Hollywood, where the writers resided. 

When the sun began to rise, Derpy pulled out her iPod, and listened to her Caso Cerrado podcast. Derpy meandered blindly along, as she had a tendency to do, and was absorbed in the heartbreak and joys of the characters. Derpy's journey brought her to a strange and foreign land. A sign read, "Welcome to Hollywood!"

Derpy was soon surrounded by people, going about their days. She was tossed around by the crowd, and inadvertently walked into the street. A truck screeched to a halt, causing the sedan behind it to crash and run over a line of schoolchildren who were crossing the street.

"TIMMY!! NO, TIMMY!" A helicopter parent who had followed little Timmy to school that day to make sure he was getting straight A's in... showing up (basically the only thing you get graded on in preschool).

Suddenly, the truck erupted into flames. Derpy, completely unaware of what was happening, bumbled along until she reached the office of the writer's. The conference room was completely prepared for them to meet in, complete with coffee cake, a banjo-playing mongoose, and a hipster waffle. Derpy Hooves was drawn towards the coffee cake for some odd reason. She started to eat the coffee cake, when a secretary walked in. 

"EEEEEEEEEEEK!" She screamed, 

Derpy Hooves spat out the coffee cake, towards the secretary. It hit the secretary, and she hit the wall. Direct hit, Derpy thought. The writers began walking down the hall. "Well, Bob, I just don't think that it's appropriate to have a lesbian love triangle between Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, and Twinkleshine is appropriate!" Said one of the writers.

"Yeah, Bob, Bill's right. We need to add in another pony. Maybe one named... Sexy Pimpin' Bitch Pie?" Said another writer.

"Wow,  Mike, you are a serious dumbass." Said the first writer. 

Then, the writers emerged into the room. Derpy Hooves was standing there, with a gun.

"I'm here to smack a bitch!" Declared Derpy.

"Wait... ponies can't fire guns." Said a writer.

"And now that you mention it, ponies can't talk either. And what is with those eyes? Who the fuck drew those? Diane, was it you? Pineapple, I know you did it. I CAN SEE THE GUILT IN YOUR EYES." Said another writer.

"Nooooooo... the reality... defeating me..." Derpy dissolved into a piece of the paper, with a rough sketch of her on it, labeled "Dipsy Doo". 

"Well, thank god that's over. What is that, the fourtieth time this month some idiot teenage girl wrote a stupid My Little Pony fanfic? What the fuck, guys? Seriously! This shit isn't even funny! And how the hell is this PG-13?! HOW?! You wrote "fuck" like a billion times now." Then, the author of this story reached into her imagination, and pulled out an imaginary gun to shoot the annoying writers with. Then she began to draft her next story, of a pony named "Sexy Pimpin' Bitch Pie".