I Won't Tell

Chapter 1

       Its keeps playing in my head over & over again. His hot breathe against my ear , his big hands gripping my fragile arms . Whispering words to me . Before i can finish my complete thought , Mrs. Jonas , my therapist , cuts me off . " Do you remember his face ? " . I had opened my eyes . I didn't tell her what I remember because i was afraid that she would tell my parents . But i trusted her . Mrs. Jonas would never , right ? Its only between me and her . She asked me so many questions , and i answered none . i wanted to run away immediately . But Mrs . Jonas helped me to another dimension . Where everything beautiful & calm . The sun shot through her blinds perfectly on her desk , shining a bit of light in both of our faces . For 1 hour a week , i felt good . but after than 1 hour , i was back in hell .

" Demi, hun you have to talk to me in some way..." I turned my head to look at her. I could at least tell her how he looked , its not like he well come again...."W-well..." Mrs.Jonas sat up alittle and moved closer. "H-her had a beard a-and... His breath smelled like beer..." I can't do it no more! I just broke out crying, im scared about just talking about him, It would always make me nervous & terrified .

Mrs.Jonas handed me a few tissues , "sweetie , speak to me . What else do you remember ? " . i dabbed my face , trying not to mess up my eyeliner . My hand trembling , i took the blackened tissue & crumpled it . Right now i just want to cut . but i cant . not in front of Mrs.Jonas . not in front of anyone . " i .. i .. thats it . all i remember is his short beard & his breath that wreaked of beer , " i coughed . "thats it ." She looked at me , puzzled . "That all you remember ? Hun , im gnna need you to close your eyes . Get into youre thoughts ." , she told me . " i cant . because how do i know that i wont actually fall back into my thoughts & relive the pain ? " . She held my hand . " Im right here . Now close your eyes . Tell me what you see ."

I just looked at her . Shes knows i can not . not with what im doing right now. " Uh, i just need a break right n-now..." Mrs.Jonas looked at me and nodded. "Alright dear, next week , wednesday , again at same ---" With that i just got up and ran out of the room. I need to get home and cut. Hopefully tomorrow i'll be aleast okay. I think...

I walked out of the doors , strands of my pulled back bang hanging in my face , my messy bun pinned perfectly at the top of my head, with my heels clicking on the ground when i walked . the sun shined in my face , so i slipped on my sunglasses . i started walking , fast . i never feel safe outside . not anymore . this never affected me until now . & it kills me inside knowing i havent been a virgin since i was 6 . it makes me feel like a slut . i feel the tears in my eyes waiting to burst through .But i hold in it . and i walk even faster . i hear foot steps behind me . i turn around , & theres no one there . i slip off my short 2 1/2 inch heels & start to run in my socks . I feel someone whatching me . i stop at the corner of the street where a car pulled up . The windows rolled down , & it was Joe , Mrs.Jonas' son . " Would you like a ride home, Demi ? I cant stand seeing you run home like this . you look scared . "

Joe looked at me a smiled alittle. I looked around to see if anyone was around but their was no one. Its running home like a crazy lunatic or the car .... so i picked the car. I walked around it and got in & took my heels and put them back on . And then Joe started driving. "How about i take you home for now on?" I just sat there looking stright ahead. Thats not a bad idea..Joe is really nice person it feels like i can trust him but i cant because i get this feeling.

"Well ..? " he asked . "No thankyou ". He looked at me like i was crazy . "Demi , are you sure ? " .

"Yea."

"i guess so .. but why were you running like that ?"

"Somebody was following me. i know it . im not crazy ."

But i probably seemed like a lunatic to him . i thought he would chuckle or something , but he didnt . he was serious .

"See . and thats why i should drive you home . so you wont get terrified by things like that & mess up your pretty white socks by running ." he snickered .

i giggled myself . " you know you're more understanding than i thought you'd be."

"Hey ... my mother's a therapist . i guess its in my genes . " he smiled & pulled over at my house .

i half-smiled and got out of the car.

"thanks for driving me Joe . Youre a really nice person ."

"thank you !" he said as he smiled & drove off .

i walked inside my house , & smelled beer . my mother is drunk , again . she hugged me when i came in & i sniffed her beer-stained breath . it smelled like .. his breath . im getting the thoughts again . the urge to cut came back . i ran upstairs threw my backpack on my bed & went to my bathroom . i went into my cabinet , & took out my allergy medicine box , & inside the box was my pocket knife .. topped with a few pills . in case my parents ever look inside . i took out the knife closed my eyes , & pressed it against my skin , as the moment played in my head . He whispered in my ear , his hands squeezing my wrists tightly,"Promise me you wont tell . You dont ever break promises ."

" i wont tell .. i promise . "