Trap Kween (Boyxboy)

Prologue - Right Through My Fingers

"Ok! I get it, I've got it easy, I never had to work for anything in my life, but does that mean I don't want to?! How dare you try to put this all on me!? You're scared, you try so hard to put on your tough guy mask, your I don't care mask but I see right through it, and that scares you, doesn't it? Well you can yell, tell me how you don't feel anything but I know the truth, and I'm not gonna stop fighting-

"I slept with her, and I loved it."

And just with those words, those deceitful words, I saw him crumble, I heard his heart breaking and it hurt, it hurt so much and I hated him for that, for making me love him, for giving me hope when I have no hope, I'm a lost cause and he knows nothing. He doesn't know about the streets, the very streets I was stuck in. There is no exit from the streets, once you're in, there's no out, only death, but he didn't know that. I was giving him a chance, making sure he didn't mourn my death, because if there was one thing I was certain of, it was that I was gonna die in these streets, and he would move on and I'd be a little fling he had in the past. I couldn't let him love me, not when I knew for a fact he was gonna lose me, and causing him pain killed me, so I gave him what noone gave me, an exit. But what he said next shook me to my core, and diced my heart into little chunks.

His bitter laugh was not the one I was used to, not the one I loved, not the one that made me happy and made my heart skip beats. This laugh was cold and heartless, careless and hysterical, as if there was something funny about what I said.

"Well I hope it was worth it, I hope you're happy with what you've done, making sure I'm never happy again, tainting my happiness, insuring I never trust again, layering my heart in thick coldness. If that was your plan, you've succeeded." He spits bitterly and starts walking away while wiping a stray tear that fell. But before he left, he turned around and set my heart on fire by simply saying, "The funny thing about the whole thing is, I'll never, ever love anyone as much as I love you." He says and opens the door.

The sound of the gun going off ripped through my ears as if I was right next to a firework display, listening to it go off, with no protection. The echo of the ear - splitting "BANG" carried on for what felt like hours as I watched everything go in slow motion, silence so eerily quiet, sending shivers down my back as I notice the red liquid spilling from his chest, his eyes wider then I've ever seen, all I could think was, I've gotta save him. If out of all the messed up things I've done in my life, I had to make sure I did right by him, made sure that he got to live his life, and to the fullest even if it hurt like hell to let him do it without me.

°•°•°•°•°

After I got him to the hospital, my whole mind went into overdrive, wondering who would've done something like this to him? Who would've done this to him, my light, my sunshine. My anger growing at every thought, but I couldn't afford to deal with this, I had to be by his side, I needed to be there for him no matter what. Thoughts of the past flow through my mind as tears cloud my visions. Throughout my whole life, my selfish, stupid little life, I can say that he was the best thing that happened to me. He loved me when I swore I'd never love anyone. He came back when I pushed him away. He was there through the illegal activities, willing to risk his whole future for me, only for me to spit in his face afterwards.He gave something I thought I'd never have,something I didn't think someone like me deserved, hope. He gave me hope and possibly a new life, just to have his ripped right from him.

No. He wasn't going to leave me, he didn't have the right. I'll always be by your side. Those words he told me so long ago guaranteed that, because if there was one thing I could believe in this world of lies, it was that. And I clung to that.

It really is true what they say about you not missing something until it's gone. Because as the thought of not ever seeing his face again crossed my mind, not ever seeing his smile again or hear his laugh again, I felt weak, out of control of my emotions, no longer the strong street thug I wanted everyone to see me as, I felt like an empty shell of who I used to be, no longer complete, and I wanted to blame someone. I wanted to blame anyone, but I knew it was all my fault. I drove him to leave, I caused him pain. It. Was. All. My. Fault. All of this because I let him slip right through my fingers.