Love, Eren //eremin//

I Just Don't Understand Myself

Dear Armin-

No. Fuck. No. 'Dear' sounds too sophisticated and proper for me. Fucking piece of shit. I crumpled up what seemed like my hundredth attempt at a fucking letter for my beautiful as fuck boyfriend. God, I need to stop saying fuck and acquire a new set of vocabulary. I'm supposed to be writing an essay right now, but...this letter to armin is way more important, and honestly a lot more challenging than some report on the homo sapiens that roam this depressing shit of a world. But Armin's not human. He's an angel. I grabbed another sheet of paper and lightly tapped my pencil on it.

To Armin,

I'm sorry that I haven't been responding to any of your letters

Okay. Not bad.

Thus been a long time since the has spoken to the and I deeply am sorrowful for the long awaited-Why the hell am I going all Shakespeare...dear god what the legit fuck is wrong with me. I started to erase what I had scrawled down, but I guess my erasing skills are too hardcore, for the paper ripped in half.. Fuck my life. I let out a screech, intense voice cracks included, and tore the paper into tiny bits, before throwing a clump of the shreds into the air like confetti, allowing them to fall all over my face. Let it be known that I spent a good 3 minutes tossing handfuls of paper in the air, and watching it fall to the floor. The action was strangely entertaining.

"Uh..." I looked over, seeing Landon, that god damn boy who reminded me so much of my little angel and keeps disrupting my thoughts and ruining everything.

"Don't mind me, I'm just having an emotional break down, trying to write to my b...uh..friend." Using the word friend cause, I'm not really sure if the guy's a homophobe, don't want there to be any awkward "I'll catch your gayness if I get too close to you" kind of thing.

"Oh, um, want some help? I write a lot in my free time, mostly when I can't sleep, but uh, yeah, I could try and help you, only if you want...if it's personal, I won't bother you, it's just if you need help getting started and um...yeah." He stood there awkwardly, doing those little amusing and irritatingly cute nervous habits that I couldn't help but be reminded of Armin as he did them. Just imagining Armin right there instead of Landon...just remove the glasses, place some blonde coconut shaped hair, or maybe pull it back in a small ponytail as Armin had gotten quite obsessed with the look, with his bangs and a few longer strands on the sides to frame his face. And then just make those deep mysterious brown eyes a brilliant and glistening shade of blue and-

"Uh...Eren, you okay?" I jumped realizing that I was spacing out. Get a grip. You're just missing Armin so much you just don't know what to do with yourself anymore.

"Uh, yeah sorry just got sidetracked..haha..yeah, but maybe you could help me out...um well I guess I should tell you that this isn't actually for a friend..." I guess if he's gonna help me out, I better come out clean.

"It's for my boyfriend." A long silence passed, before Landon opened his mouth.

"Oh." Oh? Is that a good 'Oh' or bad 'Oh'.

"Yeah..."

"I'm not a homophobe if that what you were thinking. I mean, how can I be a homophobe when I'm gay too." He chuckled, giving me a cheeky grin. Wait...what.

"Yeah...Those rumors I mentioned earlier...Well, in middle school I was just beginning to accept the fact that I was gay and then it was during the summer that I came out to my friends. I was dating my best friend...and uh, well he said he wouldn't leave me even if they were against it, but...well, he did. Some friends stayed, some left. Nothing I didn't expect, but my ex/best friend started up some rumors when he broke up with me. Saying I had raped him, forced him into the relationship, that I screwed a bunch of guys and if anyone became close with me I'd do the same to them. And things only got worse when school started and next thing you know they say I got HIV and a bunch of other shit. Anyways, yeah, I guess some people from my old school are here and it's already started to carry around. Hopefully it dies down and you don't get blown off for being near me, but I totally get it if you don't want to talk to me anymore...Sorry, I ended up talking a lot, you're probably bored out of your mind..."