Collecting Thoughts

Nothing is more real than nothing.

"Nothing is more real than nothing".

I remember reading this from somewhere, but can't recall where. I didn't understand it back then. But today, it seems like fate has its way of answering our questions, for I have finally understood it.

I went to an art gallery, it was great but I was alone. It was peaceful and empty. Perhaps, I often find peace in emptiness.

After checking out the artworks. I ate at one of my favorite places.

I was eating alone, at the thought of realization, I lost my appetite. I didn't know whether I should reduce to tears, it felt so absurd.

I searched for what it meant on my way home. The quote was from Samuel Beckett's novel called "Malone Dies" - about an old man who was waiting to die and contemplating about death. Confused on what is real and what is not.

When I got home, out of instinct, I took my notebook and began scanning the pages. To my surprise, I found a short quote that I wrote way back, it says:

I had a fear,
That I'll have a death in vain.
Does a nobody remain a nobody?
And a somebody,
Becomes more and more of a somebody?

____

And that's when it hit me. A quote that used to not make sense to me is now hitting me hard. I've never felt so alone and small. I've never felt so stuck in the same place. I wanted to soar high and grow, but I felt tied to my commitments.

And so, I closed my eyes. I let it go and leave it all to faith now.

Tomorrow will be better.
Tomorrow, the emptiness and void will be filled.

I have felt "nothing" in its pure and raw form. Now I must fill it up with Faith and Love.