The unknown

Broken

Will it ever end?
The nightmares, the sleepless nights, the uncountable times I have cried. Yes I was hurt, what is considered sacred was taken away from me before I even knew I had it 😔
I didn't fight, I didn't refuse and even though I was afraid, I didn't cry. I was of no knowledge about how wrong what was being done to me was.
but it's all in the past now, it's a long time ago. So why do I still cry, why do I detest the touch of a male? Why does the thought of sitting next to men on a bus or train freak me out? Why am I still reminded of all those days. The days my ignorance and innocence was taken advantage of..
I'm afraid I may never find peace, afraid I may never welcome the presence of the opposite sex in my life.

Broken, unclean, robbed and unworthy is how he left me.
How could he? Why did he? Have become my favorite questions.
What happened left me wounded, with a hole of unforgivenes and a heart fragile like thin glass..
They say time heals all wounds but what they didn't mention is the amount of time.
I wish I knew then what I know now🙍🏽
Had I known what I know now I would have run, every time he carried me to his bed. I would have screamed and cried out loud for help. I would have told my mom and dad. I would have, I would have prevented it from happening to me. I would have reached out to someone for help. I'm a big girl now, but this secret is still stuck with me and it's tearing me apart, I'm broken and everyday I break even more. Nobody knows, maybe nobody would even understand. I want to talk to someone, want to reach out to someone for help. But I'm afraid of what people will think, how people will look at me, I'm afraid they'll feel sorry for me and start treating me different. If only I knew then what I know now, maybe this would not have remained UNKNOWN.