Call Me Daddy 3

11

4 months later

I am now six months pregnant with a baby girl. Noah is now the same age as Kyler, four years old. It is now November, a month before Kyler's fifth birthday and three months until Tyler's second. My baby girl, Audrey Renee Parks, is due in the month of February - the same month Noah turns two.

Pulling my shirt up, I look in the mirror from a side view. I have gotten bigger with this baby than I have with any of my kids.

Having to see the expression on Jason's face every time he looks at my stomach pains me. He feels pain every time he sees me. I cause my husband pain just by my looks.

Sitting on the plain white couch with Jason beside of me; we watch as our therapist, Paula sits in front of us.

"Okay," Paula smiled at us two, "last week we talked about Emily's feelings and what she thinks about all of this. Obviously she feels terrible, as she should, she feels like she let you down and she feels disappointed in herself every time she sees how much pain you're in. Today is your day, Jason."

"So," she continued, "I have a list of questions that I am going to read to you. Try to answer them honestly, don't worry about what Emily will think because we are here to solve some issues and keeping things from each other doesn't help that matter."

Jason nodded and scooted a little closer to me, trying to comfort me for what I'm about to hear.

"You guys live together; what does it feel like to constantly see her with a baby bump?"

Jason looked around the room and thought out his answer before he spoke, "I feel like I'm suddenly not important. I feel like I wasn't enough for her to wait. Every time I see her and her baby bump, I think, 'but it's not mine' and I just can't be in the same room. It hurts to know that I'm gonna be here and help take care of her...I can't really explain it," he sighed and shook his head.

"Okay, let's talk about that. You said you feel unwanted or not needed. Explain."

"Uhm," Jason sighed and leaned his elbows on his knees; leaning forward, "she got pregnant while I was in jail, so it's like, 'okay, you couldn't wait for me?' I guess I feel kinda...left out or like I was a second choice at the time."

"Understandable," Paula nodded, "next question; what is your relationship like with Emily, now?"

"Distant," Jason immediately answered, "very distant and it's heart breaking."

"Explain distant," Paula wrote what he had said down.

"I think it's because I can't stand to be in the same room with her, not with the baby bump, I mean. Uhm, I can't have a heart to heart conversation with her anymore-"

"Oh whatever," I laughed out of disbelief, "if you are able to have sex with me then you can be in the same fucking room as me."

Jason just glared at me, letting me know I am testing my boundaries.

"Emily," Paula held out her hand, "he let you speak last week. You need to let him speak this week."

Crossing my arms, I sigh and lean back.

"I can't have a heart to heart conversation anymore because all she does is flip out and tell me I'm over exaggerating."

"Emily," Paula wrote something else down, "you are aware that your husband has feelings too, right?"

"Very much aware," I give her a sarcastic smile and roll my eyes.

"Stop!" Jason throws his hands up, "you are so different! I brought us here so we could work things out and you are treating the person willing to help like shit. See Paula, this is what I'm dealing with at the moment!"

"Me?! Jason I know I messed up but you can't hold it over us for the rest of our lives! I'm sorry but I only love you and you don't seem to get that!" Tears threatened to spill.

"I haven't forgotten that, Emily but I'm not gonna leave this alone because it's wrong. What are the kids gonna think?"

"I don't know but they will understand when they get older," I screamed, "I made a mistake!"

And that's how most of our therapy sessions went. We started off calm and loving, ready to work things out but it always resulted with someone walking out an slamming the door.

Dealing with Damien is a whole different story. He wants more time, he wants me, he's gonna need to see his kid more; always something.

Pattie seems to be the only person helping me through the process considering my mom literally disowned me and Jason was dealing with it on a different level.

Pattie always tells me that healing takes time but honestly, all I see is dark at the end of Jason and I's marriage. Isn't it sad to doubt your marriage with the one person you'll ever love?

My kids would ask during dinner, 'you guys don't say I love you anymore'

And we answer back with, 'yes we do honey. Don't worry, everything's okay.'

I know that everything is only going to go down hill when Audrey really does arrive, but maybe this wasn't meant to be. Maybe I was meant to cheat like the little whore I am and be stuck with four kids all alone. God has a plan for everyone, Pattie had told me.

But what if his plan for me is for me to be all alone?

Sighing, I sit down on my couch with Ashlee beside of me.

"How is Jason doing?" She asked.

"He's progressing I think," I sighed and tears welled up at the mention of his name and his feelings, "our marriage isn't going to last, Ashlee. I can tell he's unhappy-"

"He's unhappy at the moment, Emily but think about when the baby is born, he's not gonna be able to resist it. Yes, he'll feel weird at first but he will grow to love the daughter of his wife. It's like a stepdad relationship, literally. He's Audrey's step dad."

Laughing, I wipe my tears and nod, "but what if the baby just brings too strong of feelings towards him and he can't take it?" I asked.

"Emily," Ashlee laughed, "Jason has a heart. He knows how to love and care for a kid."

Nodding my head, we say our good bye's to each other and I walk towards my shared room with Jason and knock before entering. Jason is sitting there watching t.v and when he sees me, he refocuses on it acting as if I'm not there. I walk up towards him and grab his hand, "I wanna work things out."

A:N - COMMENT WHAT YOU THINK IS GONNA HAPPEN BETWEEN THE TWO RIGHT HERE!!

Anywhoooo - I have so much planned for this book and so far I think there IS going to be a part 4!

Xoxo - Alexa!