secrets better kept // jaspar

04

- Joe -

We were all exhausted by the time we got to the hotel, though they still planned a dinner that they were going to go to after we finished unpacking. When Caspar and I walked into our room, though, we were shocked.

"They only gave us one bed?" Caspar said with surprise. Did they think we were a couple? It's king sized, so it was either that or they just messed it up.

"I guess so." I said, and I looked at Caspar, who just shrugged.

"Works for me. I like to cuddle anyway." Caspar said, and I already knew that, since he's cuddled me before. Not that long ago either. I didn't say anything and we both started unpacking. When we were finished, Caspar told me he texted everyone saying that they needed to meet at our room and gave them the room number. I already knew my excuse, and I had to put my acting skills into action. I sat on the bed, laying down and closing my eyes.

When everyone got here, and I heard Zoe ask if everyone was ready to go, and I put my plan into action. I said I didn't get much sleep on the flight, which technically wasn't a lie, and everyone believed it and left for their meal. It's as if they weren't even trying to hide the fact that they didn't like me anymore. I didn't eat on the entire ten hour flight and they're not even worried. Typical. I sighed, getting out of the bed and walking to the bathroom.

I was about to take a shower when I got hit with a huge pain in my stomach. It hurt so bad that I was down on the ground within seconds, my arms wrapped tightly around my torso. I tried to remember the last time I ate, though I couldn't think about anything other then the stabbing pain in my stomach. A quick scan of the hotel room showed me a fridge that I prayed had some kind of food in it. When I opened it, I was thankful to see some apples. I took one, ate it, and let the pain disappear. I felt better having the pain gone, though the thought of food sitting in my stomach wasn't settling. 

I went to the bathroom and turned the shower on, allowing it to warm up while I did something else. I took off my hoodie, looking at myself in the mirror. I gripped as much as I could on my stomach, and I wasn't happy. The only thought in my mind was that there shouldn't be anything to grip. I shook the thoughts away and got into the shower, knowing that I was probably going to take a long shower. I made sure the door was locked, though, since I knew Caspar thought it was okay to walk into the bathroom when I was using it. He walked in when I was showering once to use the toilet, and I was grateful the you could not see through the curtains and that it was not one of those showers that had glass doors. Caspar would've seen my scars and most likely would've questioned me about my weight, since he has already done it when I've had clothes on. Actually, maybe if he saw me naked then he would realize that I'm not as skinny as he thinks.

My shower was surprisingly quick (mainly because the water got cold quickly) and when I got out, dried off, and got dressed, I walked out of the bathroom to see that Caspar still hadn't arrived back. I wouldn't be surprised if all the lads went out. They wouldn't text me about it since they knew I'd turn them down and even if some miracle happened that made me decide to go, I would be boring as fuck and not drink and complain the entire time. So, yeah, they don't want to risk me actually going. I don't blame them, though. I'm not a fan of me, either.

I decided to text Troye, Tyler, Dan, and Phil to see if they'd want to hang out. It was only five thirty, so it's too early to go to bed and I don't want to be alone for some reason. So when I got replies from all of them saying that they were free to hang, I got kind of excited. We decided to meet at some cafe and I knew that I could just tell them that I ate at the hotel, which, technically, wasn't a lie. I ate an apple.

Dan and Phil were already there when I arrived, and they stood up to greet me with a hug. I stopped them, though, grabbing a chair to stand on it and then hugged them. They both laughed at my action, and so did I.