The Ultimate Vengeance

My eyes burn and yearn to be opened to revel in the breeze to cool the sensation down. The breeze that I shut out as I try to swallow whole the river of tears that must never see the light of day.

This is the life I chose. Not that I had any other option. And now, it seems I have opened doors that should have remained shut. Now I have to try all I can to close them. To let the flood flow inside while also doing my utmost best to hold onto whatever I can to avoid being washed away in the stream of these tears. Easier said than done, but my life isn't over. Not yet anyway.

So I wake up and the heat of mid-November won't allow me to sleep. Too bad. Because the only serenity I find is when I'm asleep. My only saving grace. I can not leave this bed. I close my eyes as one more time I wish for the cold embrace of death to claim me. But it won't. A long while I remain still and unsuccessfully try to convince myself that tomorrow will be different. I know better. If only. Come sunset and all my nightmares resume. Whatever did I do wrong to deserve this unending bitterness from life? Read on.

It's a Friday and he is coming home. I sigh as I finally garner the courage to get up and clean the mess I made last night.

"I want out! Seriously Motheo, I want out of this deal. I am done!"

"Are you sure about that?"

He doesn't even sound fazed at all.

"Yes I am."

At this point I sob uncontrollably into the phone in my hand.

"Yes I am. I need my life back. I have paid my dues and you know it."

He laughs arrogantly.

"Listen, you owe me. And until I decide that you don't, you owe me. Don't get it twisted."

I try my best to let a portion of absent serenity come over me.

"Please,"

Now I'm begging.

"Please don't do this."

"Don't do what? You are the one to blame for this predicament."

"I told you. I made a terrible mistake and I've paid for it. How much longer?"

"Until I say enough. So until then, don't dare be smart with me. I will destroy you."

The phone is still in pieces next to the door where it fell after I threw it against the wall last night. Fragments of the vodka bottle lay scattered on the thick expensive mat stained with red wine I spilled in a blind rage. I need an asprin. My head throbs with every heartbeat. Impossible how one can be a victim of such intense pain and still draw breath. And in all clarity, I know that taking my life will not be an escape from this. His rage will just simply be diverted to the ones I love and as selfish as I can be, I can not allow them to carry the cross I put together.

There's a knock on the door and I know who it is already. I am late. She is not supposed to see this mess. I know she spies on me for him. She comes in and can not hide her questioning expression as she absorbs the mess in the room.

"Miss, is everything alright?"

"Not today, Thato. Don't pretend we both don't know who you're working for."

She seems rather shocked that I know. I carefully make my way around the sharp carnivorous glasses on the floor.

"When you're done, you may tell him that the phone is a mess. I need a new one."