Push past the pain

2. The attic

what felt like eternity i dried my eyes, covered my wounds and began to un pack. i took a better look around the room to disover that there was a decent sized closent , a faded pink wrap around window seat with a book shelf underneath and a large bathroom with a old fashion claw-footed tub. as much as i hated this house i loved the attic, i always have. It was my mother getaway spot . she would let me curl up on her lap wile she read me storys from her collection, her voice carried me away on many wonderful adventures. she read to me anne of green gables, treashur island and my faveriout one of all pride and predejust, i know i know . how is it possible for a five year old to find any enjoyment or depth in a story as deep and old fashioned as such. i couldent tell you, all i can sa is that wenever i re-read the story i can still hear her voice , her laughter and it feels like she is still with me.

my thouts were interupted by a knocking my door, the door itself is a memory to behold there is a pattern of a rose carverd all the way throu so you can see out the other side, my father did it as a surprise for her back when he was still human.

"yes,come in" i called out to the intruder, i dident think it was my dad if it was i would of felt sick to my stomach, its this gift i have i can dectected fucking assholes from a mile away.

a soft head of light blound hair shyly rounded the corner, i knew it had to be emily

" h-hey, im not shure if u remember me ..."

" ya i remember " She flinches at the hard edge of my tone, i insently regreted beig so harsh but i dident apoligize.

"ya, sorry i shouldove known, u always remembered when we were kids."

i then take my first real look at emily in years, , i cant belive my eyes . Emily was alway the pretty put together one. the emily im looking at now is a tall, hunched over blond with the self esteam of a quarter, she is one of thouse girls that you know would be beautiful if they only took care of themself.

" im sorry to interu-up , i just wanted to let you know that your dads back and wants you to get ready for dinner , be down in five." she starts to leave but stops and shyly glance behinde her shoulder.

" i-its nice to see you agian, i missed you."

the saddness in her voice makes me want to kick myself for being so cold to her, i flop on my bed and pray to god to PLEASE let me wake up from this awful nightmare.

He dident answer.

I make my way down stairs , each step a loseing battle. have u ever had to face someone who you hated? someone who you never thought , in youre whole miserble life youd have to see agian? that was what was running throu my mind every miserble step toward the dineing room.

I hear laughter and movement from around the corner.

"ok, just breath" i tell my sealf hopeing that ill trick mysealf into being prepeard for this.

I round the corner and get my first look of a man i havent seen in years, my father