But You Didn't | Phan

But You Didn't

Remember the day I broke a bowl and cut my hand in several places? We had just moved into our shared flat in London. There were boxes stacked everywhere and you were smiling ear to ear. We felt so young; so alive and free in those moments. We were building our lives, and we were building them together. You told me to go set up things in the living room, seeing as we had no furniture for our rooms. I insisted, against your wishes, that I could handle unboxing and setting up the kitchen.

"You're too clumsy, Phil. You're jittery with excitement, you'll break something" You had repeated, shaking your head and crossing your arms. I went ahead and began unpacking the plates and bowls anyhow.

Not even 5 bowls in and a loud crash sounded throughout the flat. You came running into the kitchen to see one of our new bowls shattered across the floor. My hand was cradled against my chest and my eyes were watering from the scare. I thought you'd get mad at me. But you didn't.

You took my injured hand gently into yours and brought it to your lips. You kissed the soft skin on the back of my hand lightly. With your hand in my unscathed led me downstairs to the bathroom and sat me on the sink.

"I think there are bandages in the bathroom box. Let me go check, you stay here." You cleaned the cuts and bandaged my hand delicately, placing kisses on my forehead any time I whined in pain. I couldn't stop blushing, but that remains my favorite memory of that day.

*****

Remember that time I spilt milk all over the sofa? I was balancing my laptop on my knees, texting with my hands, and trying to keep steady the glass that sat atop my laptop. You knew I would spill; you kept scooting away anytime my knees would wobble and the glass would shake.

"Just put it on the table, Phil! You'll spill on our new sofa!" I was too lazy to move it onto the coffee table across the room, so I shook my head and promised to be careful. Just as you reached out to grab the glass and place it elsewhere, it fell and sprayed my lactose drink all over the new cushions.

I froze and stared at the mess; I thought you'd yell at me. But you didn't. You got up and looked for cleaner to scrub the cushions. Of course, we hadn't thought to buy any, so we stuck with old fashion hand soap and sponges.

I think you could sense my fear and regret. There was an awkward silence as we both sat on the floor, scrubbing away at the mess. You dipped your sponge in the soapy water and smacked it playfully on my cheek. Soap got in my mouth as I began laughing, seeking revenge by smacking it against your neck.

"Oh, it's on, Phil!" We had an all-out soap war, creating more of a mess than cleaning one. When I finally admitted defeat, you carried me to the bathroom and set me gently in the tub. You filled it with warm water and soap, and we sat in it joking for nearly an hour. You rubbed shampoo in my hair and kissed me gently, bopping my nose with a glob of soap.

We were prunes by time we emerged from the tub, but your fingertips still felt pleasant against my bare skin.

*****

Remember that time when I dragged you to the Manchester eye, and it really was raining like you said it would? The whole ride over, you complained that it would be raining and make your hair curl. I insisted it would be sunny skies and birds singing. I was wrong.

There was practically a monsoon of water falling from the sky. You brought an umbrella, because you knew this would happen, but it didn't keep the chill of the wind and rain from reaching our bones.

I thought you'd say, "I told you so". But you didn't. My shirt was clinging to my body, but you reached out and gripped it firmly, pulling me into your body. You kissed me passionately as the rain dripped down our faces. I reached my hand into your curly, damp hair and held you closer, deepening the kiss. You pulled away and your eyes shined through the darkening world.

"Come on, we didn't come all this way just to kiss in the rain." You grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the eye. We couldn't see the city through the thick rain and dark clouds, but I didn't care. I could see you; I could see the way you were glowing. It was all I needed.

*****

Remember that day we visited cats, and it was time to go, but I didn't want to leave? I was wheezing and my eyes were swelling from my allergy, but I continued to pet every cat that came near me. You told me we had to leave; you had a meeting for a trip in America, but I didn't want to go.

You headed towards the front of the store; I thought you'd abandon me. But you didn't. You were asking the clerk if we could bring a cat home for the night, to keep me company while you went to your meeting. Although her answer was no, I was still over the moon that you would think about me like that. You didn't want me to be lonely; you knew, secretly, that's why I wanted to stay. I didn't want you to go, to leave, so I was seeking comfort in the fluffy creatures.

When you walked back over, I pulled you into a hug. I stood on the tips of my toes and pecked your lips repeatedly, muttering sweet nothings in between each touch of our lips. You simply smiled and responded back, eventually getting me to leave the store in time for your meeting. I was physically alone at home that night, but in my heart I knew I would never be fully alone.

*****

Yes, there were a lot of things you didn't do. You didn't call off the wedding when I lost our rings. You didn't yell at me when I forgot your suitcase at our flat during playlist live. You didn't laugh when I forgot to put on sunscreen and fried like a lobster. You didn't leave me when I flirted with other people to make you jealous.

You didn't do a lot of things, but you put up with me, and loved me, and protected me.

There were a lot of things I wanted to make up to you when you returned home from the States. I sent you texts every day on your three day business trip. Most of them were varied forms of "Come home soon!!! <3" but you didn't tell me to stop.

I called you every day, I skyped you every night. It was only three days, but it felt like a lifetime away from my true love. I was urgent to see your face when I told you that while you were away, the letter came in. The son we had been looking at to adopt could be officially ours after just a few more home inspections and paperwork. I waited anxiously for your text that you had arrived at the airport and were headed home.

Minutes turned into hours, you wouldn't pick up your phone. Your screen was cracked when they found it next to your body. It still worked and you had our texts pulled up along with the unfinished message you were never able to send. "I'll be home soon. I promise, Phil. I miss y-"

There were a lot of things I wanted to make up to you when you returned home from the States.

But you didn't.

+++++++++

(A/N) This fic is based off of tumblr user doodlesinwonderland's amazing comic found here: http://doodlesinwonderland.tumblr.com/post/94267860129/but-you-didnt-im-so-sorry-ive-wanted-to

I saw the comic and was instantly inspired and heart broken so, with permission, I typed until my fingers bled, trying to do the comic justice. Hope it lives up to expectations! <3

Keep Running,

xSam