WILL I? OR.. WILL I NOT?

MY THOUGHTS...

'Will I find a home...will someone accept me...please... I don't want to be alone...please...please don't leave me alone... I...want a family..'
****Photo Is Cindy****

I woke up suddenly on the cold hard floor. Sitting up realizing where I was, and that was...at a home. That's right. I got adopted. The only problem is....this isn't what I had in mind at all. This family doesn't pay any attention to me. I hate it! Why can't they love me? what's wrong with me? I'm not bad...am I? I guess I should leave...in search of a a new home. I hope...to find the right one eventually. Coz' you know... I have bad thoughts. I don't have parents like all of you...don't know how it feels like to get a 'good job', to get a 'thank you' or 'I love you'...none of that... I don't want to be alone. Being alone...isn't good. Why? I'll tell you all about WHY!

Having no one...absolutely no one to love...or take care of you...is the worst. Not knowing how it feels to be loved...leaves a feeling of total emptiness inside you. That's how I feel. No one loves me-want them to though. I want to fit in...want to be took care of. I...I just want someone to tell me that..everything is going to be okay. That..your safe. Want someone to tell me good night... I love you. I want to wake up to a morning where there is hope. Where I know I'm happy...that I know..someone loves me. All I want is to have a family that I can call...mine. A brother...a sister..a mother and father. They are mine and that..I am theirs. I don't ever want to wake up to a morning where I will have to find myself a family and, when I do they leave me or I'm not happy.

A family...that  comes to me everyday. Hoping..dying to find a family that will make me one of their own and never..ever...betray me. I want to be happy..not sad. I want education..not a uneducated life. I want to get married... I have many...many dreams. Funny how  always I wanted to become a doctor but I am so lonely...I can't share my dreams with anyone. I can't make friends. i don't know how to be...nice.

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'Will I ever find a family? Will my dreams ever come true? Am I ever going to experience happiness? Experience love? And laugh..laugh a real laugh without feeling broken and torn inside? Will I...Will I ever matter to anyone? Will I keep hoping? Or...should I start losing hope..?'

I woke up breathing heavily. I buried my head in my hands and started to sob heavily thinking to myself continuously. 'I will never be loved...who would want me? I'm pathetic! I will never matter to anyone!' huh.such.such an idiot I am... I wish.. I wish...no.. I want mommy and daddy back! I want to be in their arms right now! I.. I just don't know.

I got up and just sat there. Sat there thinking. Nothing will happen to me. That's it. No one will love me and that's that. I just don't know. I JUST DON'T KNOW.

I will not lose hope actually. My parents wouldn't want me to do that...right? I will find a family. I'll love them and they'll love me. Simple. Then I'll be happy. I'll be the most happiest girl in the world! You'll see. Just wait and watch. Cindy May is still alive and full of hope!

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HEY GUYS! This is my story! I just started it so bare with me :( I will do updates anytime i am available to do so! Plz leave comments and leave some suggestions on what i should work on doing if you have ideas of what else i should do. vote and thanks!

I really hope Cindy finds a family :'(