Breaking Forrest

You,

If I could tell you one last thing - something that could sum up the way I've been feeling - I think, 'You've broken me, Alexandria,' would be it. Broken. That's a good way to put it. Ever since I read your letter, all I've felt is broken. One month, six days, eight hours, thirteen minutes, twelve seconds. That's how long it's been since you gave up, since you left me to pick up the pieces. But how can I clean up your mess, when I can't even clean up my own?

I'm like glass; fragile, thin, scratched. And you're the hammer that struck me, abolishing my existence. You claim to not want me to end up like you, to not end up in the dark. Did it ever occur to you that maybe you'd be the one to pull me into the darkness? That you'd be the one pulling on my strings?

You were so silent. You would stare into an endless world of nothing, and yet you'd be in another world. I never heard you say a single word. I use to wonder if you were mute, or just didn't have anything to say. Though now, I know what was in your head. Your world could've been so beautiful, there was so much potential. The words you never said, the ideas you never spoke aloud - they were beautiful.

Why is it the most beautiful people are the most corrupt?

Now I sit here, pondering over and over how I could've saved you. You claim I couldn't have, but I know otherwise. If you had said something, anything, I would've helped you. I would've saved you. I would've been your medicine, your saving grace, your anchor. You wanted to say something, I would've listened. You wanted to cry, I would've held you. You wanted to hide, I would've hid with you.

Dammit, I wish you would've said something. Piece by piece, my soul begins to fade. Every time I hear your name, see your face on the news, think about your smile, I break.

The irony of this situation has me astounded. You needed saving. For months on end you said nothing. You didn't ask for help, though you were begging on the inside. You needed someone - you needed me - but you just turned your head as if nothing was wrong. So strong, yet so weak. And now, after you gained the courage to finally try and help yourself, I turn into the one who needs saving.

Where's my broken princess in rusted armor and a broken sword when I need her? Where's my saving grace? My hero?

Who knew you'd be my downfall?

I haven't said anything but profanities in one month, six days, eight hours, twenty minutes and eight seconds. I haven't smiled, I barely eat, and I can barely manage to get out of bed. That's how much you've effected me. I reread you're letter again and again; throwing items against the wall, cursing at the rain, crying until I fall asleep, then repeat. It's a never ending cycle that I can't seem to break. Maybe I need you here, you're an expert at breaking things.

But that's the thing - I do need you here. I need you here to put me back together, to pick up all my broken pieces. They come in here telling me I'm going to be alright, that things are going to get better, that it's not my fault. What a load of shit. It is my fault. It's my fault because I could've saved you! And now I need you to save me. But you can't. You're gone, and you'll never come back.

It's taken all my energy to walk to this desk, pick up a pen, and write. I'm sorry I don't have a nice flow, or a poetic demeanor to my words. This is the best I got. Although, I suppose it doesn't matter - you'll never read this.

How is it a voice could take my place? How is it that such a minuscule thing could be so powering? So evil? I wish it had never bothered you, that you were strong enough to push past it and fall into my arms. You thought of us as strangers, I thought of us as acquaintances.

You asked me if I would care, if I would care if your soul remained black or if it drained slowly back into color. To answer that would be too easy. Because I would - I would care deeply. I wish you would've known that. I wish I knew what was going through your head as you wrote the words that leave me scarred.

You say you felt nothing, that you were numb to the world. I think that's a lie. Without feelings, why would you have written me that letter? Without feelings, why would you have done it? Why wouldn't you have talked to me? It takes fear, bravery, rage, hate, grief, love - all of it it is apart of you. Without feelings, you wouldn't have done any of that. You had to feel something towards me. Was I the first person that came to mind when you did it? Did you hesitate? Did you even think about how I would feel?

Did you know this would tear me apart? I didn't.

Your face flashes across my memory every minute of every day. I can't get it out of my head. The images of that night - of you - burn me, break me. They haunt me even in my sleep and I can't rid myself of you. I'm falling and I don't know how to stop. I need someone to catch me - I needed you.

One month, six days, eight hours, twenty-five minutes, and thirteen seconds. 

You've broken me, Alexandria. And I don't think I'll ever be fixed.

Forrest.

~
Hey y'all! So this concludes 'Breaking Forrest!' I hope y'all liked it and didn't cry too much :(
I cried while writing it.. Haha

I made this a little shorter because it was a bit harder to write than 'Saving Alexandria,' plus I really wanted to finish this and really focus on R&J.

I've been working on chapter 2 and it's getting pretty far. So keep an eye out!

Love you guys and thank you so much for reading 'Breaking Forrest!'

Layla Belle✨