I don't mean to.

What a fun to fool yourself---PART -1

How the hell was it in my room and that in the air floating over,i had no idea.The most disturbing part was its color not totally green but not blue.A mixture of some shirt Mom bought yesterday and what i was wearing.But the sense of familiarity ,that was most alarming.I felt like i have seen it before.This whole dejavu.Probably in the movie i watched ages ago .Yeah ,he was quite like  that.And it had those eyes like those of anne but more empty and hollow but at same time questioning.I was scared and  i had the feeling i shouldn't be.He won't harm me.it wasn't moving just staying there in front of my dresser.

"ELLA...ELLLLLAAAA.GET OUT OF YOUR BED.ELLLAAA" why she is shouting all the time.Mom was calling me for an hour now or probably two it felt like going on forever.I waited for her to stop .Also dreading when she would i 'll be sure dead.And dead i was.

The regular morning drill.MOM trying to get me out,me pretending i am dead , deaf and gone to heaven.So many years its going on and still the pain is very real.We both soldiers of combat army never stopped doing the dance.

''go away" i shouted,which meant i am up.I stretched for my phone.Under the pillow ,behind banksy .over the side table.Nope.That meant i have probably thrown it out of my bed to the floor.As always i seem to create a hurricane while sleeping.Books all over the place ,sheets half on the bed.Phone was usually kept by my side on table but last night i fell asleep talking to nonnay with phone in my hand.That reminded me of the conversation we were having.Whether or not its time to wear sweaters,why maths sucked ,what time is best time to say its time.Noonay lived beach side so her mom brought her these flip flops to wear and she whatsapped me those pictures.I personally liked the pink one over the black.So you see very important topics were discussed.One of the reasons i didn't study.Well,my study group was on gull swing though.We had this test coming by next week.All algae, fungi and class was freaking out.Since it was day after the game night.So they formed this group and i was added i think by mistake.I hated study groups.

That brought me back to my search for phone.I had to get up now.You just can't start your day without checking your messeges,right.I thought of this as preparation for my future self when i will be in big oval room,in tight black pantsuit with my iced tea with lemon flavour on table checking my emails.My daydreams start as soon as i am out of my night dreams..! 

"ELLA ,YOUR BUS WILL BE HERE IN TEN,I WANT YOU DOWN ,ELLLAAAA"

"I am changing" i was still on the floor finding my cell.

Ten minutes later,i was down the hall,finishing my cup of tea.Mom was checking her diary for her schedule today.I heard the horn,took a giant sip of tea putting all my taste buds on fire.They 'll get over it.

"bbyeee ,momzz"

"bye ,el.ohh,i am having this meeting by lunch.I have asked marcy to pick you up .OK.She 'll call you .DO you have her number?"

"yeah,but i am not taking phone with me.I can go to jen's home and you pick me from there?whenever you free."

"you lost it again?gosh ella.It 'll be under the pile of garbage again you keep on collecting in your room,how many times i have told you this is not your junk store.Its our house..."

I could not here rest of it.I Knew it already by heart though.I wasn't worried about it though.I knew my room i know exactly after how many layers of shirts i can get to my skrit,which corner is for my socks which shoe has its pair under  the bed and which has it on the porch .It was all perfect in this imperfect settlement.I was not sure where i have thrown my phone in sleep though.But its in there somewhere.

My much anxiousness was centred around break time.How i am going to stay indifferent to my surroundings when i didn't have my cell to distract me from some really distracting people around

you guessed right.UZO !Lately he was around Jen all the time.i  couldn't care less though as i had different classes.But break time was inevitable.We all sat on same table.It was hard to avoid as it is

Now with no phone,oh hell!But i 'll survive.

BUT what a fun to fool yourself!!!