White Rose

I am currently in a so-called relationship where I had experienced a lot of happiness and pain, of course. But sometimes, or maybe most of the times, this pain insists to be felt to wake me up to the cruel reality of loving. This guy that I have been loving for more than a year now, made me drown myself in the thoughts of having a happy ever after kind of story. I expected our love story to be like the ones in fairy tales, that he is my Prince Charming-slash-Knight in Shining Armor and he will treat me like his very own Princess. But maybe I just watched too much from Disney that these expectations led to nothing but pain since it didn't happen, not at all. Still, I love him.

I love him to a great extent that it hurts just as much. That's why I decided to detach myself from the world for the mean time. I decided not to talk to other people or see things that will remind me of him. I locked myself up. I guess sleep is the best solution for my problem right now. Sleep will make me forget the hurt temporarily but at least it will. I'd like to give myself a rest.

Before I closed my eyes, I thought of him. It gave me a heartache for a second. Tears fell from my eyes as I shut them. Then finally, I am asleep.

I rose from my bed and went to the door of my room. I wanted to go to the place where he promised he will take me to - Paris. When I opened the door, my eyes were met by the most attractive thing in this country. The Eiffel Tower is welcoming me. I walked out of my room and looked around. I really am in Paris, and in front this stunning tower. I looked at the people around me and they all seemed nice. I walked into a coffee shop nearby and had some brewed coffee and toasted sandwich. I wonder how I paid for that. I instantly had money in my pockets. I chose to take the table beside the glass window. As I sat down, I realized all tables and chair were of some kind of faded gold. Fancy, I told myself. It was just like what I wanted to do if I had the chance to actually go to Paris, and now I am here. I finished my food and went outside to stroll. There was this small fountain at the back of the tower. As I was near it, an old woman approached me and told me to make a wish using my coins. She looked French but she spoke in fluent English. I did as I was told and whispered to myself whilst closing my eyes, "I wish to meet the right one for me."

I opened my eyes slowly. The old woman was nowhere to be seen. Instead, in front of me is a tall, handsome, blond guy with dazzling eyes. He drew closer to me and it gave me a closer look at his features. He doesn't look French but he introduced himself to me in English but with French accent. I am certain of that. He then gave me a white rose that I didn't realize he was holding behind him. One look in the eyes and we instantly had a connection. We hung out until the sun went down. I felt safe with him, and in fact happy. But suddenly, when I looked at him I saw the guy that I truly love and when I blinked, that vision was gone. I felt heavy inside. I miss him. I walked out and left the "right one" in the air. My eyes were already filled with tears as I ran back to where I came from. The white rose slipped from my hand so easily that I had no time to pick it up. I didn't want to.
It appears that even though I already met the right person for me, I will still choose the one who owns my heart. These feelings that I have for him are stronger than me. As soon as I opened the door to my room, I jolted up panting.

I'm back to reality. I looked outside my window. It's still dark. I took a glance on my clock and saw that it was a quarter before ten. I stared at my door for a moment. I realized that even in my dreams, I still love him as much as in reality; that no one can replace him in my heart. I love him. I just do. I love his flaws and every little thing that makes him up. I love this mess.

People should choose to find happiness in reality and not in their dreams. Not everything in this world is permanent. I wish this pain isn't permanent too. What we want is not always easy to achieve. We should embrace the reality of life. I am ready to face it.

I walked to my door and slowly turned the knob. I opened it, peaked outside and saw that there's no Eiffel Tower or blond guy there. I really am in real life now. I heaved a sigh and bowed my head down only to see a white rose on the floor. It sent my heart racing. I picked it up and found a sticky note that the petals was hiding. I carefully read each word that sent shivers down my spine. My eyes began to tear up.

On it were his words saying, "I'm sorry and I love you. Stay with me. - Baby"