Sarumi | Judas Kiss [Discontinued]

Chapter 4: "Never letting go"

Yata blinks slowly. The scenery of a white ceiling and fluorescent lighting comes to him vaguely. He turns his head to the window. Taking in the stereotypical lamp on the coffee table. The lifeless Ivory curtains that blew stiffly from the outside breeze.
His room gives him a full view of the cloudless blue sky.

"Yata," Kusanagi gently speaks. Yata steadily wheels his head to face him. Izumo's voice is calm and dour. Letting out a deep sigh he begins,"Yata what happened?" He zones out. Hearing words but not able to answer them. Yata continues to stare past him in a depth of silence.

"If this is about Fushimi then-."
Yata slowly flips over on his side. Clenching at the fresh wound under his hospital gown.
"Don't go after him Yata."
"Tch, what?!" A sharp pain rises in Yata's stomach, he grits his teeth. "Uldo and his gang are dangerous. Obviously look at the condition your in."
"I'm. Not. Leaving. Saru."
Yata snarls.
Izumo straightens in his seat and concentrates on him. "Scepter four can deal with that. It's not our problem."
Yata narrows his eyes. Hoping Izumo can see his vexed aura beyond his dark shades. His anger immerses.
"Yata. Sometimes it hurts worse to hold on than to let go."
Yata hastily turns toward Izumo.
How could he say such a thing?
As if he knows how I feel.
A bitter expression etches his face. Izumo senses his hostility. He stifles, leaning against the bed rail. "Yata. I know it must be hard, but. You have to realise that the worst pain of all is caring."

"Are you telling me I shouldn't care?!" His tone mocking and demeaning as he sourly glares.

"Listen.--life is a balance of treasuring and losing things. It's better to relieve yourself of what's hurting you. Some things are just never meant to be, no matter how much we wish they were. You shouldn't be so fixated on what you can't change. Something you have no control over."

"So if Tatara san or Mikoto san were in this situation you wouldn't help them?"
Kusanagi swiftly lifts his eyes.
Surprise grazes him at Yata's statement.
"Yata. Situations like that aren't comparable."
"Tsk, oh really? Last time I checked only the people changed not the scenario."

Maybe Kusanagi was speaking the truth. Though it pains him to think so. He has no business trying to involve himself or Homra possibly with those affairs. But he can't bring himself to turn away from Fushimi. Especially after something like this.
No.
He's not speaking honestly.
It might be rational. But it isn't what Yata wants. Yata closes his eyes. The words preparing to leave his lips giving him distaste.

"Leave. If your gonna preach bull crap then go."
For a brief moment silence encases the room. Izumo frowns slightly and let's go of the rail.
Sensing that Yata won't be eager to hear another word from him he motions toward the exit.
"I'll be leaving then."
He hesitantly stalls in the doorway. Half expecting Yata to say something.
After a while the heavy door creaks closed in the hinges.

Minutes seems to pass by like hours. Though they might have been.
When Yata looks to the window this time the sky is much more tranquil.

The sun sets on the horizon. Flaring a bright blend of odd vibrant colours. Yata gazes out the window, hypnotised.
As if expecting to find an answer to his problem within the clouds.
He drops his hand limply in his lap and draws his bottom lip in.
He runs his other hand through his rough matted hair.
Tears begin to weld in his eyes. The wad of  sadness that he held in burst forth in guilt.
He uncontrollably sobs. Clutching his his hair violently.
If only Fushimi was here.
Why couldn't I help him?

He could make all of the pain go away.

Yata brings his knees parallel to his chest and rests his head.
The dreading thought of never seeing Fushimi again crossed his mind. There's a light knock at his door. Yata doesn't speak, but the nurse lets herself in anyway. "I've brought your medicine Mr.Yatagarasu." she glances over at him.  His reddened eyes and puffy cheeks.
Her eyes fall at the corners.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm fine." He manages weakly. "If you don't mind, could I ask you a question?"
His inanimate eyes meet hers.
She places an ibuprofen in a paper cup and a water bottle on a tray at Yata's bedside.
"Sure."
He procrastinates, wondering if he should ask such a question.
"Is it hard to love someone?"
The question catches her off guard. More or less she seems not to have an adequate answer.
She leans over and lets out a light laugh. Her shoulder length ponytail falls to the front of her.
"I'm sorry. But umm..." She twists her mouth and sets down at the foot of the bed.

"Well uhh..., I'd say that isn't entirely true." She beams brightly and grasps the chain around her neck. Yata recalls the time before, when he asked her about the necklace.
Her short, bittersweet tale of love and loss.
One that Yata had not experienced, but knows all so well.
He leans his head into his collarbone to get a good look at her.

Her storm had long ended.
But the damage stayed.
Damage she couldn't repair by herself.
Giving her little to no reassurance.
But through this she continued to live.
In the end he had told her to.
For him, at least.
Live.
"No actually. It's not hard at all. When you find that one person. When you have no doubt they're the one..." She trails off. And from where Yata's sitting he can see tears line her face.
Yata chimes in. Offering a timid smile. " Don't worry Miss. I understand." The nurse nods her head and wipes her face with the back of her sleeve.
"Life's gift to people like you and me."
She chuckles.
It's more like sweet misery or lustful despair than a gift I'd say.
Yata drops his head. A small smile inches his mouth.
"Where'd that weird question come from?", she giggles. "You love someone?"
Yata flails his arms about and nervously shakes his head.
"N-No. I-I was just!"
"Geez...it's alright. They're lucky, whoever they are. To have someone who cares so much."
Yata's face flushes at the compliment.
The nurse stands up and stretches. "Well. I've outstayed my welcome. Let me get back to work before I'm fired." She laughs again.
She laughs to keep from crying. He thought. But when you think about it, concealing such emotion kills you from within.
Slowly but surely.
"Hey", she says while gathering a stack of documents and throwing away empty medication bottles. Yata looks up at the yellow aura before him.
"Don't forget to take that medicine."