The Man by the Railroad

Chapter 2: The Life I Lead (Told by Idalia)

I pop a pill of aspirin out of the box.  The migraine keeps getting worse and worse, and I don't even know if it the pills alleviate.  The tension in my body makes me feel more like a mannequin than a woman.  I hate this.  Every time my job calls for me to meet with people, I panic.  I'm not a people person, I chose the job of a zoologist for heaven's sake!  I just get to sit in silence and study the animals.  I like to discover new things about them, things that other brainless colleagues would never think of. 

But that moment when I have to meet with people, my brain is just a violent whirlpool of chaos and stupidity.  Their lack of knowledge is so irritating, and I have to put on a calm expression and listen to all of it.

Tomorrow I meet with another big-shot scientist, some Professor Verbeck, who wants to collaborate with me in another stupid project.  Collaborate.  I hate that word.

So I've lit five candles, put on classical string music, and sat in silence, stroking my little fox, Talitha.  But in the past hour each candle has been burnt to stubs, and I think I'll just snap if the CD starts replaying.  If I can't calm down, at least I should do some work.

That was when I realized that my stomach was completely empty.  Like one of those poor pig runts that is the last to get to the food, only to find out it's all gone.  I've eaten nothing the past six hours so I make my way to the refrigerator where I left my custom sandwich I ordered yesterday, with the Italian dressing.  I open the door and immediately slam it closed.

That little brute, Cadence!  I groan in frustration, thinking of how I'll reprimand her afterwards.  She'll never be able to touch the refrigerator again, if she's going to take what isn't hers.  I sigh and a tear threatens to escape my eye, so I slap it.  That was stupid.  I don't even know what's gotten into me.

I know I'm a rock.  I'm strong.  Even if I have to raise a little demon like her all alone. 

Then the tears really start rolling as I think of Jerome.  I remember the day immaculately.

It was such a happy day before that one.  When Cadence had reached three months old, we were taking an ethereal walk in Van Cortlandt.  She was giggling in my arms as we joked and laughed, the pacifying stream of water, blue like a subtle sweep of a painter's brush, rushing behind us.  It was just a happy, languorous stroll with my six senses and two loved ones.  Then, the next morning, he was just gone.  I don't know where, he just left without any warning, note, or anything.  I was frantic, calling his number over seventy times, calling his family, even the police.  Nothing.  Nothing at all.  From that day on, I was left the job of a single mother.  I can't bear to look at Cadence, when she so clearly has his brilliant blue eyes, curious thin smile, blond tresses of hair.  She has none of my traits, except my academic superiority.

Cadence /noun/:  The rhythmic flow of sounds; a sequence of notes comprising the end of a musical sentence.  I named my child this because she was the vivacious rhythm that livened up my life.  She concluded my days beautifully, just like the final cadence in a prelude.

But now, there is no lively rhythm in my life.  Nothing beautiful that ends the day.  Now that my Jerry is gone, I ever regretted writing that name down in the certificates, especially since I had to quit music.

I sigh.  There, at least I'm thinking about something else.  Jerome will no longer intrude my thoughts, he's not welcome.  He's not worth the internal struggle.  He can no longer linger in my thoughts, that terrible person.  I will never give him another thought.

Not doing a very great job of that.

I slump down in my desk chair as I hear the chime of the doorbell, announcing Cadence's arrival.  I panic, knowing she can't see me like this.  I blinked the tears from my swollen eyes, lashes stuck together like I've just gone underwater.  I try to regain my usual dictatorial manner, preparing to yell at her, but I just can't do it.  She can't stay outside forever in the rain, so I twist the burnished door knob open.

"Hi, Mom!"  Her luminous voice filled the room, almost making me a hint more cheery.  I take a deep breath, willing myself to bellow in my usual sharp tone.  I need to put her back in place.  But all that comes out is a dreary "Why are you so happy?"

She isn't fazed by my unusual manner and walks through our prominent dining hall with a slight bounce in her step.  "I did something good today!"

"Oh, definitely.  What?"

"I gave a sandwich to an old man by the railroad, who was evidently poor, and when I handed it to him he got so happy and called me an angel!"  

That was it.  It was enough to change my mood.  My blood boiled as I gritted my teeth in anger at the stupid girl.  She was absolutely ignorant of me as she turned and skipped down the hallway.

"CADENCE!"  I shrieked at her.  Finally getting her attention, she turned, her forehead creased in confusion and disappointment.

"WE DON'T SPEAK TO THOSE IN POVERTY!" I shriek again, face red and voice cracking.

"But... Why? I didn't do anything wro-"

"DON'T YOU TALK BACK TO ME YOUNG LADY!!!" Without realizing, my hand swept above my head, and I slapped her cheek. Realizing what I had done, I stumbled backwards, brushing off my skirt. 

She stood bewildered, eyes larger than a doe's. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she sprinted up the stairs.