10:59pm, Saturday, October 17, 2015. Today's weather here is rainy and its the perfect day To cry.
No one knows me in real life. No one does... Here's the truth about me. I'm gonna tell everything who truly I am. Right now I wanna see myslef how brave I am to say it.
I'm not that girl who likes to smile when people sees me. I'm the girl who ALWAYS have that the same expression in her face. I don't smile but I just keep my lips straight. I have blury eyes so I can't see the true happiness in life. I wear glasses so I can see better but I fucking hated it. I have a messy hair and I don't give a shit to fix it up. Then when I look at the mirror, I could see a horrible monster looking at me. I know I am gift of God but I made myself look ugly.
I may be short but I have a big mouth to shout curse words. I have scars and I love the way I design my skin. Its called being artistic with using simple tools like a cutter and blood for paint. Sometimes I use paper to have paper cuts in my fingers and none of my friends notice it. I laugh every time I see pain. I laugh when I see someone gets hurt but sometimes a feel pity as well. I don't care whether I have long nails. My mom always reminds me to cut them but I never listen to her. I like to use it when I'm bored. I scratch myself cause I deserve it.
When my lips are dry, I never like to drink water. I like to get rid of my dry skin. And when it bleeds, I can taste my Delicious blood. Mmm~ I'm doing it now actually.
If my brain is useless, I would bump my head for such being a jerk. My head is full of shit. You can't get any important informations here just bullshit that's all. I use my brain for doing dangerous stuffs and let myself get hurt. I don't feel any pain outside my body. I love to get beaten up cause it doesn't hurt at all. I'm used to get into fights. You can only hurt me inside my heart. I'm weak and I don't eat much. I'm a picky eater. If I hate it, I really fucking do and you have nothing to judge for it. Don't judge me if I get weird or else I'll get my revenge to hurt you. Sometimes you can see me twitching. I don't why I do that but that's just being me.
I keep deep secrets and I swear you can trust me very well. If I ever told you my secrets, make sure you'll keep it very well. Don't tell it to anyone! If you did, I'll tell yours as well and I'll fucking invade your privacy!
I cry everyday to stop the pain inside me. You don't know how much I get hurt and guess what? I still don't care... I let everything flow. Hurting makes me feel great. My heart right now is drowning. I go insane whenever I want to cause no is the boss of me. If someone would like to ask questions why I'm crying, I would shout at them cause its none of their business! Just stay away from me! I'm not an ordinary girl to you. I'm not an angel nor a devil, IM A HUMAN LIKE YOU. We are both the same but don't treat me like a little girl. NEVER say that I'm cute cause I'm not and that's the truth. Remember what I told you, I'm a monster!
My friends way back in my previous school forgotten me. I don't know if they still care... I don't know them anymore. Right in my new school where I transferred, is way damn different. I got even more depress. I don't like anyone else there. They call me as their school emo. My family thought I'm contented there learning but I'm not. I spend my time alone and thinking of suicidal thoughts. Everything is killing me. I can't stand a chance to be me again. I want to Go back to the past so badly! I lied to everone in real life and in internet that im always cherry. Its all wrong, I'm the girl who is opposite. Everything is wrong about me! I hid everything to be one of you gaizs. I don't want this fucking life anymore. KILL ME NOW! I'm no good to this cruel world. I don't deserve anything. I don't deserve my friends and family. They shouldn't cared at me at all!
