And so it begins...

Selfless Part 1

"This is my house! You can't tell me to get out! I pay rent and I work my ass off to give you and that little shit you call daughter a fucking roof over your head!"

"This needs to stop rian, I'm sick of this! You come home drunk and off your face and you expect me to think that it's ok! It's not and I want you out..."

There yelling again. I hate when this happens. Mum says he would never hurt us but I see the bruises on her face. I may only be 14 but I'm not stupid. When mum first met rian, she told me that he was kind and gentle and that he would be helping us with the house.

Mum expected me to call him dad, now he's lucky if I even call him by his given name.

He's only ever rough when he's high or drunk . Mum said she would rather get hurt then see him lay a finger on me. I never used to understand why she didn't just leave him. I'm older now so I do understand. If mum left him, we would be homeless. Mum is just trying to give me the best life possible. What she doesn't understand is, I would rather live on the street with the person I love rather then see my mum get hurt by him.

I've true to help, sort of. He keeps his grog in a draw and I usually hide it so he ant get drunk. It doesn't help though because he ends up either getting mad at mum or he just goes and gets drunk somewhere else.

When we moved in to the house, mum an I found a secret room behind my cupboard. It has a small door that blends into the wall. Inside is a small room with a vent that leads out to the bathroom. Mum and I had decided that whenever Rian was mad, I should hide in there so he can't find me.

Mum had packed an emergency bag for if I needed to run. In it was food, a flash light and some first aid items. I had put some of my own things in the bag to.

I suddenly hear Rian slam a draw shut and scream "I'm gonna kill that little brat". Oh shit.

"Rian! Leave her alone, she's only trying to help" mum screams.

"Help? She's just as bad as you!" And then I hear a slap. I can fell the pounding of his footsteps making there way to my room.

"Pineapple!" That's my cue to run.
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Mum and I are having a picnic on our favourate hill. If you look out into the distance, you can see the sun setting on the horizon a beautiful warm colours filling the sky.

Mum and I are looking out at the clouds and saying what they look like. It's fun and it makes me feel like I can let go of all my worries and just relax with my mum for once.

"Hey cleo! Look! That one looks like a pineapple" mum exclaims. I can't help but giggle.

"What's so funny?" Mum says playfully.

"Pineapple is a funny word" I giggle again. Mum says the word over and over again an then begins to giggle to herself.

"Your right, it is a funny word" a thought pops into my head but I keep the smile on my face.

"Maybe that should be our safe word" I whisper. Mum looks confused.

"People usually say "red" when they feel unsafe. Maybe our word should be pineapple" mum leans over and gives me a warm hug.
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I grab my emergency bag and begin to crawl through the vent and pop out through the bathroom. I run up to my mum and hug her tightly.

"I don't want to leave you mum" i say. Mum hugs me back but starts to push me away.

"You need to go baby. I'm so sorry. I don't want you to be exposed to this kind of stuff" mum shoves me out the door and I run down the street, not stopping to look back.