Saviour (A BVB Fanfic) [Not Currently In Progress]

Prologue

Prologue--- Suicide, Cutting, And Foster Care.

I'm Shelby, and my life so far has just been the same old thing every single day.

Going to school, getting bullied, and coming home to absolute hell.

Well, I don't even really have a home...

I'm an orphan, you see. Have been my entire life.

My mother apparently died in a fire when I was a baby, and my father had left, because my mother was only 16. 

When I was younger, I had almost gotten adopted a couple of times.. I don't exactly remember what happened with that, but I'm still in efoster care.

Going to a new home each time someone decided they didn't want to deal with me, or pay for me anymore.

What makes things even harder for me, is almost every single time I switch homes, I have to switch schools too.

And let's just say, I'm not really... Your typical.. Teen girl...

I don't live off of Starbucks, I don't pile makeup on my face, and I have yet to almost break my ankles trying to wear heels.

It seems like whenever I find some friends, or something, I have to switch homes!

My mother, when she died in a fire, they think the source was a match. Which makes me wonder...

Did she kill herself? By lighting a match?

That's my theory.

She fell for a cheating douchebag, got knocked up, had the baby, and then killed herself, leaving the poor child to fend for herself.

I actually hate my mother because of her death. If she did actually kill herself, I hate her because of it.

Did she even love me at all? Why would she do that to her child?

Again, why would she do that to herself, leaving her poor baby to grow up and wonder, "Where's my mother? What happened to her? Is it because of me?" Then have her child eventually also kill themselves because of that reasoning?

At the time, it may not have seemed like that harsh of a decision, but it is.

Killing yourself can have an impact on a lot of people...

My mother, and many other people, failed to see that, when they took that match and lit it, or took a bullet to the head, or cut too deep.

Some days I've been close to killing myself, then remember my mother, and think of the impact...

Then I begin to wonder...

What would happen if I killed myself? Who would care?

Holding the pills in my hand, id stand there. Wondering what the right choice was it...

I was lost in the moment, not thinking of the future I could have...

The people I might meet..

The things I could do....

How I could change the world...

Those positive thoughts kept me going everyday.

Every single day was a war..

A fight between death and life.

And every single day... Life would win..

But I always wonder... When would the day come that death would win?

Ever since I was 12, that question has always pondered my mind..

I'd tell myself that "Life would always defeat death..." and "Death isn't the answer."

Even though I have stopped myself from death, I can't stop myself from slitting my wrists.

I know that self mutation doesn't solve anything but..

For me..

It's a way of taking your anger out.

For me,

It's the only way to stop being angry...

I struggle with anger issues, and so far the only coping skill that works for me is self mutation.

I started when I was 11... And now I'm 17.

It's hard to stop after 6 years of it..

You've probably heard this before but, it's like a drug addict..

You can't just stop. It takes awhile, and you go crazy if you can't do it anymore..

And I tried to stop once, but i couldn't resist it..

It was so easy to do it too...