Snow Globe

I never meant to hurt anybody but somehow I just end up doing so. What is it about me that makes me such a failure? Why is my destiny seeming to be hurting people? I had numerous girlfriends but I always ended up sending them away, tears in their eyes and a used tissue in their hands. I never meant to though. I was a ladies man and women always gravitated towards me. They were all over me and sometimes i couldn't help but to give in to them. Every time, I was caught.

I don't even realize what I'm doing, my hands and mouth seeming to be controlled by someone else. Something else even. I always mentally scold myself, willing myself to stop. No! No, you don't love her! Stop! But it never works. Why can't I control myself? What is wrong with me?

A knock at the door brought me back from the horrid recess of my mind, however leaving me feel as though there were weights in my stomach . I looked around the gas station bathroom and got up from the floor, wiping any potential tears that burned at the back of my throat and flicked the faucet on.

"Oh, come out. I'm waiting for you!" I cringed at the sound of the whiny female voice.

"Be right out," I said, my voice wavering slightly as I did so. This woman was three years younger than me and she was gorgeous, but she wasn't my girlfriend. She even had a boyfriend, the split in my bottom lip is proof.

Cupping my hands under the cold water, i brought them to my face and scrubbed as though i was trying to wash the guilt off of me. Perhaps I was. The cold bit into me, sending shock waves through me at first, almost like it had brought me back to life from the resentment in my veins. I braced my hands on either side of the sink spider-webbed with brownish-red cracks. My eyes moved to the grime-covered mirror and i could see the blood welling in my lip and the slight blue coloration already.

Turning the water off, I wrenched myself from the sink and went to go out the door. I hesitated, bringing a hand through my, now damp, thick hair that fell lopsided to my ears. Slowly, reaching my other hand over, I placed it on the somehow slimy doorknob. No I won't do it this time. I can't do this again! I can't hurt her. I know she will find out because they always do. I found myself turning the doorknob, wanting to get out of the disgusting bathroom. She was waiting outside the door, her beautiful green eyes and layered red hair that just brushed her shoulders. There was a spark in her eyes and i knew what she wanted.

"Listen, I think you should go back next door to the nightclub and make up with your boyfriend."

"W-what? Why?" She stammered, her hopeful gaze diminishing.

"I ca-" I choked trying to say what I wanted. " I don't want to do this." The words were surprisingly hard to say, as if there was something lodged in my throat, preventing me from talking. Before I knew it I was hugging her and I could see she was confused. No dammit! Pull away! But I couldn't, my face was relaxed and I kissed her, my mouth synchronizing with hers. I moved to her neck and picked her up, her legs wrapping around my waist and she stretched her head back, a groan of pleasure escaping her lips.

Before i knew it, i had carried her into the backseat of my red car, and we began tugging off each others clothing. By this point, my attempt at resisting was gone. The addictive feeling of being close to someone, sharing body heat, her warm, smooth skin carrying me away. We were kissing hungrily, our breathing ragged at first but we soon began gasping for air as we continued. All sense of right and wrong, rash thought and reason gone. Then it was over, her body was exhausted of energy and she pulled me close, falling asleep on me.

As soon as i saw her, my heart began to pound with anticipation. The dread of her nearing my car grew into an unmistakable fear. She opened the door and peered inside, obviously knowing this was my car. The look on her face broke me and tears threatened to spill down my cheeks. This is it. I'm caught once more and the love of my life will be gone again. At the thought of it, I could feel the sharp, revolting pain and the tears began to slip down my cheeks. I coaxed the young woman off of me and I got out of the car in just my jeans.