Glad You're Here

Chapter 5: I Hate Hospitals

NOTE: Play video at the end of the chapter.

I didn't have a car, so Tom picked me up in his familiar Toyota. Before I left, I let the dogs out to go to the bathroom and being around their excited, happy energy almost made me feel better. I had also grabbed some of Mark's spare clothes, his camera, and his Tiny Box Tim, which I was surprised but completely delighted to find. I snuggled with Tim for a while. It smelled like Mark's cologne and being with it was kind of like being with him. Kind of. Then Tom pulled in and we left.

We rode almost the whole way in silence. I wanted to know what was going on but, for some reason, my voice didn't seem to want to work. Tom stared straight ahead, making no attempt at conversation. I reset my watch to Cincinnati time on the way there. When we arrived at the hospital, I felt my stomach twist a bit. Knowing he was in there, that tall and terrifying concrete building, in pain, made my heart break, although I don't know how it could since it was already broken. Tom stopped the car but didn't make a move to get out. He breathed in, then out.

"Mark has, what they call, a small bowel obstruction. This is what caused the serious pain in his stomach."

"I understand," I said, feeling numb again. I shoved my fear down. "Can I see him?"

"Of course you can. He's not awake right now, but the nurses say he should wake up soon." I nodded and got out of the car, looking up at the hospital. I took a deep breath, then started inside. Tom jogged a bit to catch up to me and walked beside me through the doors into the extremely air-conditioned, extremely sterile hospital. I shivered. I hated hospitals. I tried to ignore my surroundings and just followed Tom. A left. A right. Up an elevator to the third floor. Another right. Then we stopped about halfway down the hall.

"In here." Said Tom, gesturing to the door. I was terrified to open it, but I did it. I had to see Mark. The door swung inward and I walked in.

Mark was sleeping in the hospital bed, an oxygen mask covering his mouth. He was hooked up to a bunch of machines by tubes in his wrists and side. Whatever was left of my heart shattered as I saw him, surrounded by intimidating, beeping machines. I walked over to him slowly, almost as if in a daze. I stopped right at the edge of his bed, letting my purse fall from my hand.

"Oh god, Mark. Oh god. Mark." I reached out and grabbed the hand not full of tubes, lacing his fingers with mine. Even with the oxygen mask covering his face, he still looked younger when he was sleeping. Oh god, my beautiful Mark. I reached out a hand behind me to brace myself on something, finding Tom's hand. I grasped it like a lifeline.

"Hey," He said, his voice quiet and cracking. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Hey. He's going to be okay. He'll be fine. He can handle this." I had a feeling Tom was telling himself this more than he was telling me. After a while, I spoke.

"Can I be alone with him for a minute?" I asked, my voice hoarse.

"Of course. Dee and I will be in the waiting room." I didn't see Tom as he left, but I heard the door close. As soon as it did, the tears started falling from my eyes. I turned around and grabbed a chair, pulling it up by Mark's bed so I could sit next to him. Honestly, I didn't want to look at him. The more I saw him, the more my heart panged, but I couldn't bear to leave him. Eventually, I closed my eyes and leaned my head into his chest. I heard the beeping of the machines, so I put a hand over the opposite side of my face. I just sat there and listened to his heartbeat. Even with the machines and the medicine and the beeping around us, his heart was still his heart. I cried quietly into his hospital gown.

"Hey, beautiful," came a rough, whispery voice. I gasped and sat up to see Mark's coffee brown eyes looking at me.

"Mark," I wanted to give him a hug but I was scared I would hurt him and I couldn't give him a kiss because of the mask, so I kissed his forehead instead and gently started stroking his damp hair. "Mark. Oh my god, Mark."

"Mark, yeah that's me. Don't worry, my name is still the same as it was ten minutes ago." I tried to laugh, but it just sounded like a croak from my tear-restricted throat. There were so many different emotions swirling around inside me. Mostly, there was relief that I was here with him and he was ok. Then there was fear that he wouldn't be okay or there was something seriously wrong. Just a very small part of me was angry, but that small part of me wanted to make itself heard.

"Do you realize how much you scared me last night? Like, I thought you were going to die," I said, so quietly I was almost whispering. "Do you understand? I thought you were going to die and it scared the shit out of me. I know it isn't your fault, but...why didn't you tell me, Mark? You were in pain and you didn't tell me. I thought you were going to die and you didn't tell me."

"I know. I know. I scared the shit out of myself too. But listen. I'm going to be ok. I'm going to fight through it just like I fight through everything." He looked at me, his face all seriousness, and another tear fell from my eye. He tried to brush it away, but missed, the medicine making him a bit dizzy. I grabbed his hand and guided it to my face. He brushed away the tear and I lay my head against his chest again, listening to his heartbeat and breathing in the smell of him. I sat there for a long time.

"Caitlyn." He said, his voice rumbling in his chest.

"Yes Mark?"

"Can you do something for me?"

"Of course, anything."

"I need you to get my camera from the house." I sat up and smiled, reaching into my purse.

"You mean this camera? Don't worry, I came prepared," I said, handing him the camera. "Also, your friend missed you." I pulled out Tiny Box Tim and Mark gasped.

"Tiny Bo..." He said in his raspy voice before coughing. He reached out for Tim and I handed him over.

"All better?"

"Not quite. Can you film me? I want to let everyone know what's going on." By everyone, he obviously meant the fans that were probably worried out of their minds right now.

"Mark, you can't do that. I know how much you want to tell them and talk to them, but if you do, it'll make things even harder for them. Do you realize how many of your fans are going to freak out when they find out that you're in the hospital? Like, all of them. Why would you want them to know?"

"I can't lie to them. No, I have to tell them. You don't have to say anything, just hold the camera and press record."

"Mark..."

"Please, Caitlyn." He looked so sad and desperate, I couldn't resist. I stood up and flipped open the camera, setting it up to see him. I pressed the red button and nodded.

"Hey guys, really sorry to say this, but I've been in the hospital overnight," He started, his voice so quiet and raspy, I was scared that the camera wouldn't pick it up. "It's about 9:00 in the morning right now. I'm hooked up to a lot of scary looking machines, but I don't want you guys to worry. I won't go into detail what's wrong with me, but it's nothing life-threatening. It just involves a lot of pain and it came really suddenly. So I, uh, hope to be out of here as soon as possible but if I miss some videos, you know, there's nothing I can do about it. I'm kind of stuck here. The doctors need to make sure that I'm ok. Do some x-rays and what not. But I should be back home soon and I'll be at 100%. Just thanks guys for supporting me and, uh, really, truly I'm ok. I'm going to be ok. So thank you guys for watching. Bye." I pressed the stop button. I was crying again. He was so loyal to his fans, he was willing to tell them that he was ok, when he might not be. I was so lucky to call him my boyfriend.