I, Scarlett Quinn Brashares thought that I was living a normal and simple life with God through my seventeen years. But those 23 hours of dying totally changed my point of view and learned to hold on to the end. And so now, I could proudly say that even despair, grief nor frailty cannot change my trust in Him.
That winter, I felt like God has been avoiding me. I’ve been thinking and thought nothing to keep Him away. I don’t even remember any severe disobedience and law abiding for Him to ignore me like that. It was like, He was leaving me, my perspective is changing and the fire in my heart was dimming that time. But my heart’s desire to follow stayed and my longing for His presence lasted. I kept praying, asked for forgiveness and never stopped to worship with assurance that He will hear me. But somehow I was wrong; He did not meet that expectation and disappointed my faith. I want to ask Him why, I want to know His plans and objectives about this, I need Him. But I need to stay calm and believe in His great and mighty wisdom and power, I thought.
It was freezing and dark outside, snow falls rapidly like it was about to rain, the temperature’s getting low every second; the logs which were my only light that night were burning to ashes and emptying the fireplace. I was sitting in front of the flaming woods to heat my body, holding the Bible to find God’s encouraging words for my situation, as I wander around my memory in search of His wonderful miracles to me and holding on to His promises to encourage myself, a gentle and soft voice called me.
“Scarlett.”
I turned back but did not saw anything, I felt awkward and continued reading. After a few moments, here it goes again, and this time, it called my name twice.
“Scarlett. Scarlett.”
I stood hurriedly and curiosity filled my mind. My eyes wandered the room, then suddenly my feet moved and walked a slowly few steps towards the window. I touched the window glass, looked the snows up and sighed. I talked to the Lord while looking at the vast dark sky.
“Lord, I am very sorry if I have done something wrong to keep You away, I need You Jesus, please help me satisfy my longing for Your presence.”
I knelt down and put my hands up together. I was facing down to show my humbleness and sincere heart. I closed my eyes and begged to Him.
“Lord, You know my deep desire to hold You close, talk to me God, I can’t live without You. Show the great and mighty things You promised, embrace me this evening, I love You so much”
I didn’t mean for Him to talk literally, I was totally thinking about a trial to level up my faith. But what happened was something unexpected. The wind blew hard but it did not vanquish the fire, the Bible closed, and I was surprised but kept calling the name of the Lord. The wind blew like it was saying something; it was the voice I heard earlier, the gentle and soft male voice that occupied my mind.
“My child.” It said.
It startled me, I was in total perplexity and could not understand every second that night. I wasn’t scared, thank God, I quickly grasped a piece of wood, stood slowly and exclaimed.
“Who’s there?”
I walked a two slowly steps while scanning the house. I never really thought that it was some supernatural being so I did not feared any single bit of what happened. Then, someone spoke again.
“I AM.” It replied.
I fell and ended up sitting amused on the floor. I was really not scared; my body just can’t hold the amount of unusualness. I had unwillingly thrown the wood far from me; I stood quickly and got the Bible. I scanned the book to fight back whatever that thing is, I recited chapters and verses that I thought would make everything normal, but it didn’t.
