Dear boys...

She's Ready

"We're going to transform you into a suitable country treasure."
"Okay." I said anxiously. All of a sudden a team of experts ranging from fashion, beauty, hair burst into the room, all discussing the new "project" which I was aware was me. I could understand most of what they were saying.
"We need to lighten her skin, she needs to be paler."
"Hair needs to be dyed brown or black." The hairdresser said circling me.
"Straighter eyebrows, lips pinker, eyes wider."
"Thinner"
"Rhinoplasty."
"Jaw re-alignment"
"Teeth whitened"
"Wardrobe updated."
The list went on, all the insecurities building up and so were the tears. My self of steam was torn. I agreed. After 20 minutes the team had managed to destroy my self confidence, ey reassured me that I would gain it after I completed all my surgeries, lifestyle changes and contract. I felt like I had sold myself and so vulnerable in order to complete my contract and to ensure my economic stability. To get out of debt. All because of him.

Through the next few months, I under went training. Learning how to speak, walk, eat and make myself a suitable compatible partner for the musicians. I had a beauty team who helped me with make up, fashion and my lifestyle. SM also had relocated me to an upscale apartment in Seoul; I had lost 1.5 stone, dyed my hair dark brown and underwent multiple surgeries and procedures like hair and scar removal, jaw realignment, rhinoplasty and teeth whitening. I was a completely different person. And after 7 months I had finally completed the training.

There was only one more change; my name. My identity would be stripped from me, it's strange because I never really liked who I was or where I was from but I didn't want to give it up so I chose the most simple thing I could of thought of which was my fathers favourite season. Autumn. My name become Autumn. As I signed for the change, a tear slipped through, dotting itself on the paper spreading smudging the ink. It was done. I had sold my identity and my appearance for money.

"She's ready."