I was fourteen when I came out to my family. I didn't have to come out, they just knew. I was in eighth grade when I discovered that I'm a female-to-male transgender. In December, I cut my hair like a boy for the first time. I felt really nervous, but like I'd be more accepted. There's not a whole lot of love with transgender people in this world. I'm one of the lucky people that has a family that accosts me for who I am. I know it is not easy being me, it never has. I have a story that needs to be told, that's what I think... Anyone's journey isn't easy, there will be bad times, harassment, depression, dysphoria, and curiosity. What does dysphoria mean? Dysphoria: a state of unease or generalized dissatisfaction with life. No one knows how it feels to have dysphoria, to me it's being trapped in a different body your whole life. It's a daily struggle to do anything, especially because I can't bind. There's never a moment where I physically feel male unless I wear a sweatshirt all day.
I showed up my first day of freshman year. I walked into one of my teachers room, she asked me, "do you want to go by (birth name) or Brian?" I said Brian. I wasn't so sure why she asked this. So, I asked. She said that someone I've known since sixth grade told her. I wasn't mad, I was actually kind of glad. So she had my name changed in the roster at school. Every teacher called me Brian, but not every teacher called me a boy... I was embarrassed that this happened. Some teachers didn't know, a lot of them know now. I'm not ashamed of being openly trans. It's never an easy journey doing this in school. Luckily I've had the best teachers, best counselor in the last three years of school. I have the privilege of speaking to elementary, middle, and high school counselors about being trans in school. My counselor talked to my mom about this, my mom and myself think it's a great idea. I've never thought I'd get an opportunity like this, now I do.
As freshman year was going on. I had moments of being harassed by one student. He kept calling me a lady. One day in class he blurted out and asked me, "Brian, are you a girl or a boy?"
I said, "none of your business." Who the hell needs to know my business?He did this the whole semester we had class together. I came home crying some days after school because of the harassment. I don't quite remember what happened the rest of the year. I can say, it probably wasn't good. Every person has their good and bad times with people. I've made enemies at school, struggled with making friends, depression, and not getting very good grades in school. Everyone has a story that can be told, it just depends on the persons thoughts.
A lot of people I've gotten to know over my last three years of school, some don't know I'm trans, until I tell them. Some people I've talked to have assumed I'm a guy at first, but don't know until I tell them. They're usually understanding when I tell them, which is good.
