Reasons Not To Die

4

4-the future

Everyone has a life. Everyone gets one chance at that life. One chance to live it to the fullest with no regrets. The future is open for the taking, but suicide wipes all of that from the white board like a dry-eraser.

If you die, would there be "true love?" (I know that that reason in particular could be a reason for suicidal thoughts and depression, keep reading, though) What about finding a dream career? Or being able to look back on life and say, "You know what?There may be sodden pieces of paper on this map of my life from tears and pain, but guess what? I've learned from my mistakes and the crap I've been through. I've come this far, and I won't let any of that happen to me again." Honestly, I can't wait till that day. I imagine it'll make everything come together, like the yin and yang.

But while we think of what's happening to us now, we don't believe that we can take it, that the future will not come like the fairy tale "prince charming in shining armor," but will crash and burn like Cinderella's house (in the original story).

"If the future is so grand, why is this happening now?"

Well, guess what? No one ever learned by being perfect. We never learn by knowing to avoid certain situations, but we must be trapped in those terrible positions, so that when we escape, we are stronger, smarter, and all-around better than we were in the first place. I've learned this myself in . . . (Counts instances on fingers, but loses count) . . . well, just a lot of situations, because I learn fine in school, but the moment real life comes into play, I've learned that I'm pretty bone-headed, and that it takes approximately one summer for something to sink in . . .

Example:

When I first learned that my dad was lying to my sisters, his boss, the preacher at his church, everyone else in Suches, GA, and I, I understood what it was not to trust someone.

At first, it was his telling me and everyone he knew that he had quit drinking, but one night, when I opened the fridge in his borrowed camper, I found at least forty cans of Bud Light beer loaded onto the shelves. Then, I saw something on his phone that shouldn't have been there. When he was watching my youngest sister, who at the time was two, she fell off a swing, but managed to break her arm. My father did not notice this, and no one else did until my sisters and I got home that night to our mom, who noticed my sister's reluctance to move her arm. (One of the last two was the final straw. I can't remember which one came first on a timeline :P)

Wow . . . I got really off-topic . . .

Ah, yes, the future.

But with no future, there's no real opportunity for you but lying in a casket after turning fourteen. Although we all die, doesn't living a long life of love, laughter, and excitement sound a lot better than falling, falling, falling . . . ?

There's no reason for you to doe before things can change, before this phase is over and before life can really be lived.

I'm always here for you guys--LRB