Blood Iris

Chapter Two

About a week later, I was in juvie and hating it. I hated the way they looked at me. As if they understood me. I hated it with everything in me. I didn't hate them, because we were trapped and the same. We were all looking for a better life. A way to happiness in our own way. I didn't hate them for the way they looked at me, I hated myself not for noticing, but for caring at all that they wanted to understand. That they wanted to care but didn't know how. Because I wanted someone to care and understand, but I knew that wouldn't happen. And if somehow, if by a truly miraculous miracle, someone did love me, even just a little bit, it wouldn't last. It never does and it never will.

The stares never stopped. They lessened but they never stopped along with the pain, my fears, and my guilty conscious.

As I was led through the hallways of tortuous stares on my first day, I kept my eyes to the ground. Hoping this would feign weakness and help me blend in. The last thing I wanted was attention.

I was led to my room that I shared with three other girls.

"Here you are miss Victoria. Your room for the time being." The officer stated. "The other girls will arrive shortly. You will have five minutes to get situated and become accustomed. There are sheets and blankets and other items in the cabinet. Press this button if you need help or have any problems." He pointed to a small red button by the door. "Got it?"

I nodded my head, "Yes sir."

The officers left the room and I sat on the bed, lost in thought. After a couple moments, I got up and made the bed. The sheets and pillow smelled sterile and uninviting. Their white color only added to the unwelcome atmosphere. I hated it here already. I wanted out as fast as possible. I felt tears welling up in my eyes as depression started to take over. I wouldn't let it. To let it get to me would be to lose control. I squeezed my eyes closed and cleared my mind for a couple seconds as the heavy melancholy ebbed away. The tears stopped and all that was left was a dark spot buried so deep in my mind and heart that I could easily pretend it wasn't there. I stood up, ready to go to the door and face my fears.

Instead, fear decided to face me as the door was flung open. Three girls walked in, chatting amongst themselves. It took them a couple seconds, but when they noticed me, they all stopped dead in their tracks. One was tall with long dyed black hair and many piercings. The shorter two had blond hair and one had glasses.

"Look, it's our new roomie." The tall girl walked towards me menacingly but cautiously, as if I threatened her. But I sensed she still felt a need to be in control.

I stared into her eyes but kept silent. I knew she wasn't going to be nice to me and saying something wasn't going to help.

"Listen punk, I don't know your past and I don't want to know, but around here that doesn't matter." She flipped her short hair behind her shoulder. "I'm in charge around here so don't try any funny business."

She turned to leave but looked back over her shoulder, "And I get first shower in the morning." She smirked and left swiftly.

I looked at the two girls and asked with raised eyebrows, "You let her boss you around?"

They looked at each other and then back at me. Stepping closer, the girl with glasses whispered, "Alyssa has been here longer than all of us. We don't know what she did, but she seems pretty dangerous."

"She must have done something pretty bad to have been in here for five years." The other girl added.

I looked at them carefully and nodded.

"If you do everything she says, she'll be nice to you."

I snorted with disbelief. "No thanks. I only respect people who respect me."

They raised their eyebrows and looked at me with pity. They thought I couldn't handle myself. They were wrong.

I walked back to my cot and slid under the covers that did little to comfort me. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep. I heard the two blonde girls find their beds. I listened to their shifting until they finally fell still.

It was a good thirty minutes before Alyssa came back and the lights finally turned off before I could succumb to sleep's sweet release.