Dear Apathy, at least you are what people assume it to be. Why do you always paint me as a heartless conniving self-centered wench? Little do they all know I am everything they would never imagine. I've just mastered the art of hiding every emotion, masking every single feeling behind an unbothered face.
In a place where hearts have turned away from caring and love, maybe I should be proud. I've adjusted to suit haven't I? Eventually any sane person tired of playing this inhumane game would realize it's not strength that gives us the power to hide our emotions. It is us caving into weakness, hiding behind fear, fear of the possibilities and fear of the unknown. That is what drives us to keep everything locked away.
Let's just take a moment to rewind. I don't want to give you the impression that I'm just a gloom struck teen or a pessimistic soul. Before I get to that point where one boy changes everything, where one boy shows me how to feel, let me tell you a little about myself. My name is Amber, I'm 5 foot 2, waiting to turn that big 18 in a few months. I'm what people call 'red' with straight brown hair that stops in the middle of my back. I'm skinny but I guess it suits me and my height. I'm just an average typical girl, no outstanding features, nothing to make you stop and think 'Oh wow!' That's as good as it gets.
I've always been that kind of background friend growing up, not that I wasn't outspoken, I was just rarely recognized as an attractive human being in every group of friends I belong to. I was basically the least likeable. In pre-school, every boy was attracted to my best friend Zariah and every girl gravitated towards her. In primary school even though I was a part of the 'popular girls' everyone only paid attention to my best friends Destiny, Calder and Tasha. Now the most dreadful of them all, High School, where I truly learnt how undesirable I was from basically every single person of both genders to ever cross my path. High School, where my best friends were the most beautiful girls in our form, where I was the most underdeveloped, skinny, overachiever. At least that's what people claimed. I would like to think you're getting a general idea as to how I became reserved. In my years of growing up when I learnt to block out negative jabs I also learnt to block out my heart.
