a glimmer of hope
the black rings of a book
the rough surface of the cover
the stark white pages
going through the sketches my eyes hover
remembering the happy stages
i pick up the pencil, recreate myself
searching inside myself to find-
a piece of the old me
of my innocence
a piece of my smile
of tolerance
a piece of purpose
or a piece of a piece of a piece of sense
i need to make sense of the situation.
bound by something
bound by myself?
i pick up the pencil, recreate myself
it's a call for help
the words i am writing
i want no one to see
but i want everyone to know
i want to be able to show
what troubles me
silently, i recreate myself
hundreds of words exploding in a beautiful mind
hundreds of calls trying hard to find
very aware that someday it might be better
***
looking back, i couldn't have been wrong
i paged through the book today
played over the memories like a song,
i am free of the hook
i have found the pieces
i'm still recollecting
some times a little suspecting
but i have found all the pieces
and i am putting them all back where they belong
they may be in different positions
but maybe that's how it's supposed to be
change is not a nightmare, change is not a dream
change can be frightening, it will be different from what it seems
but once you get there, you will begin to see
that there are many things that want to influence your reality
when you find these things
look at them
think about them
make the decision to let go of them
and deal with everything else the way you want to
What's between a nightmare and a dream?
it's the thing we call reality
when nothing goes right it may seem
as if all has disappeared but my sensitivity
my heart doesn't beat but buzzes like a bee
my smile disappears
and spoken words seem to fail me
like interchanging gears
the wires of my mind scurry
different thoughts strafe
my vision becomes blurry
the poor fly, in the spider web caught
negativity and doubt
infiltrate my every thought
i forget that i am living
spend my days just surviving
observing
thinking of the past and all the thriving
questioning my choices
those words i spoke
advice i never took
questioning my everything
and trying hard to duck my head in hiding
a smile was all it took
to be able to cope
but then it was different
i needed something more
something was holding me back
keeping me locked up in a cage
pretending to be happy
as if there was nothing on my mind
but oh, there was something on my mind
and i'm glad i listened
for that niggling feeling I had ignored for so long
turned out to have been right, all along
