Poems/Short Stories

Changed

Dear Diary (October 31, 2011),

Today is just beginning and I feel like I am losing my mind. My children are still sleeping and I am just trying to hold it together for them. I have two daughters whom I adore with all my heart. They are my life and they are the reason I am keeping myself together. If it wasn't for them I think I would go insane. I do not feel like myself though and it is strange I am feeling presences that aren't really there. Maybe it is this house or just my mind I cannot tell. My boyfriend is worried about me and keeps on checking in on me. I have to be strong but as every minute goes by I am spiraling downwards like a never-ending rollercoaster.

It is a peaceful day here in Springdale, Washington. The population here is little under 300 people. So everyone knows everyone. The birds are chirping and there is a slight gust of wind and the clouds are massive in numbers over the sky. I feel like it should be gloomy but actually I feel quite energetic. I can take on the world and be whoever I want to be. My daughter, Gabriella is awakening and I get breakfast ready. She is like every little girl but the difference is she keeps to herself and has an imaginary friend that she talks to. I haven't thought anything of it because I thought and think it is normal for children to have imaginary friendships but this is different.

My fiancée is a lawyer here in Washington. He is irrevocably making me daily fall in love with him. He is everything that I have been looking for my whole life. When I was younger I didn't make the right choices and I became pregnant. I was a single mother because the father after he found out wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. I was lost and had no idea where my life was going to take me. Finally after about 4 or 5 years I decided to go to college while taking care of a child and I started to gain personal strength and self-confidence in myself and who I was and am. It has been extremely difficult but I have been blessed with another.

It wasn't until my last year in college getting my PH.D that I met someone that changed my whole life; perspective. He has been a gentleman and helped me stay focused on a goal other than being a mother. I love Gabriella and my beloved Julia whom I lost to a rare cancer when she was a toddler. I broke down and cried out to God. I asked him why he took her from me and what I did to deserve this. Steve helped me cope and ever since then we became more than friends. He has been there through it all and he proposed to me at a dinner date last week. I thought everything was falling into place but I was wrong and something bigger was brewing that I could not even begin to imagine.

Dear Diary (April 14, 2019),

My daughter is acting strange and becoming more distant and not wanting to be social. I am not sure what to do most days. She still has her imaginary friend and I cannot seem to understand if this is just a phase or do I need to go find professional help to better understand her. I feel that she misses her sister and that something left when she wasn't around anymore. It also took part of my soul as well. I feel uneasy in this house like something is trying to get us. I have never felt like this before...

I am listening to my favorite song and keeping my hopes up that my daughter will become herself again. She needs to grow up like a normal girl and let life take her to wherever she wants to go. The world isn't the same as it was 10 years ago and unexplained things have become a reality that would never have thought to be real but it is my reality. Gabriella is talking to her unseen friend I am hoping that it is Julia telling her to live a normal life. I want her to find peace and if my belated daughter needs to help her than I am all for it. Well tomorrow is another day...

"Julia" I whisper. I went over to the play table and sat down in front of the tea set.

"Yes?" a voice answered back.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too."

"Let's not be too loud because we do not want to wake up mom."