Borrowed Time

He knew. His last time, we could have spent together. But like he said, family comes first. We could have gotten married or just stayed together.. those last days, minutes, seconds. But he didn't say anything.

It has been three days since he was buried here. It has been one month since I last saw him - alive that is. I could still remember that day, when he proposed to me... It was raining and we're at a picnic in the park, so we ran for shelter under the shade of a tree.. We were alone.

"Will you marry me?"

My heart beated so fast and I can still remember what it felt like. Of course I said yes. In fact, I'm still wearing the ring until now. But after that, my sister called to tell me that our mother is sick and that I had to come over. He said he have work to do so I went to my family alone. I.. didn't even realize. He was just hiding his pain. He didn't want me to notice. He didn't want me to know. If I did, I would have stayed with him. I would be with him. I love him that much and I know it sounds bad but I would rather stay with him. But I know what he'll say:

"You must take care of your mom. She needs you more than I do.. "

That's what he said to me anyway. It's just like him. He loves his mother so much, if he would have to choose between us, I bet he'll choose his mom. And he wants me to do the same. I guess that is one if the things I love about him. I love everything about him. I hope he knew that before he died.

*****

"I know you still love him..."

I don't know what to say. His words just appeared in the middle of our conversation. I admit, I was shocked.

"I said, I know you still love him..."

There it goes again. And I still don't know what to say.

He's my husband. I married him a couple of years since my beloved died. I felt as though I should apologize to him because... because.. for every kiss he gave me, I think of someone else. And when we sleep together, I dream of someone else.

"I'm sorry"

That's all I could say.

He smiled and kissed me.

Even if he didn't say it, I know it meant hr loves me.. He loves me despite it all.

I am lucky for him. Whenever we're together I feel safe... Even though my heart is somewhere else. He loves me, he really do. I know it... I can feel it... Maybe even more than my previous love did. But why, why I can't return his love? It is though my heart, I cannot control. My heart, not mine anymore. It is though it is held and kept by someone else.

*****

And then my tears fell as I look at him noe, kneeling on this road. Everyone is watching us but I don't care now. All I see is him now.

"Don't cry.." he murmured, still with the sweetest voice.

His bloody hands reaching for my cheeks to wipe my tears. All I could say was...

"I'm sorry... For everything... "

He hushed me.. hugging me.. I could feel the pain... My whole body is bleeding... I am losing blood... My groceries were lying scatteree wet and stained by my blood. The car that hit me still paused in the road with the headlights on and the driver still shocked and does not know what to do but watch us.

My eyes are still looking into his teary eyes while he's talking to me.

"I am not sorry... I was happy." he smiled.

"I was happy that I get to be with you when you're alive. At least we were together even if the time is borrowed."

I felt as though my pain is gone now and I am floating. But I still hear his voice.

"It's unfair. But it's okay. Unfair for me, because even when I'm with you, you're not with me... And now, you're really gone... I know you'll be with him. To the one you gave your heart to... It's okay.. because I know now you're truly happy... I love you.."