Hi, my name is Sophie and my uncle is dying from cancer.
It's not really what I expected in 2016, is not what I got in mind.
My uncle is dying.
Thing is, at first you don't seem to understand what's happening, you don't realize how bad it is, because you've never been in that situation, because you didn't see it coming, because you've never been that close to cancer, even though is not you who's diagnosed with cancer, you feel some kind of emptiness, like if you don't know where you are, what you have to do, what's next, like you don't know anything at all. And then you turn around and see everyone crying, in pain, grieving as if he's dead already.
And you get this feeling like you want to snap all those pity looks from their faces because you know he will be alright, you convince yourself that cancer is shit, because he's stronger than it, and because he will get through it and keep moving forward, and live as if nothing happened.
Days go by, and he starts losing weight, he starts coughing more than usual, he starts looking weaker, but he's alright, right? He acts as if everything's okay...
What happened to you, sometimes I just want to hug you like old times but I feel like I might break you and im so sorry for thinking like that because I know you've told me many times you feel alright, you know what,
fuck cancer, honestly.
How am I supposed to feel when I see you laying down in bed, surrounded by nothing but white walls. How am I supposed to feel when you feel alright but the doctor is telling me cancer is the silent shit ever, that even though you feel okay, you get skinnier every time I see you, how am I supposed to feel when the doctor is telling me the lung tumor spread out to your brain and there's nothing they can do, what am I supposed to do when you've cancer stage 4... out of four.
And then you realize... cancer is a bitch. Please don't let go uncle, I love you so much, and I want to keep you right by my side, I want you here, I want you forever here, I don't want to let you go, I don't want to see your eyes closing to never open again.
I guess cancer is like a storm, you know, some people won the fight and they changed the way they used to live, I guess that's what cancer is about. When you come out of it, you won't be the same person that walked in.
Please keep fighting, please stay with us, please don't go, give it all you got, you got this.
Even if I knew what's coming for me
, nothing can prepare for how it'd feel going through it, so please uncle, tie a knot at the end of your rope and hang on there. Don't let cancer be the whole story, let's make it just a chapter.
And I'm praying, everyone's praying, because hope is the only thing in life that's bigger than fear.
You make broken look beautiful, and strong look invincible, please stay, we need you here with us.
When someone has cancer, all the family does too.
