Just One Pull

It would be so easy. He kept telling himself. Just one shot. One tiny tightening of the muscles. He'd done it a million times in his life, in a million different dire and not so dire situations. But now it would be over, if he could do it just one last time.

He looked down at the gun in his hand. His favorite handgun, the one he trusted to be most reliable if he ran into any unexpected trouble. It felt almost natural in his hand, the sleek silver casing polished to a brilliant shine. How many times had he cleaned monster guts off this gun? How many times had he cleaned off the human blood he'd spilled? He closes his eyes tightly, trying to block out the thoughts threatening to crush his rational mind. You're a monster, Sam. Think of how many people you killed, the pain you've caused. And just think of poor Dean. His eyes pop open again, almost startled by his own thought. Dean. His big brother, who had always been there for him and looked out for him. And the one he caused so much pain it was tearing him apart inside. Dean deserved better than this, better than him. More than a brother like Sam. Hell, he wouldnt even be with Dean, wouldnt even be hunting, if their father hadnt gone missing in the first place. Now it was back into the string of shitty motel rooms and monsters, slowly driving Sam to the edge. And now, he was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at the gun in his hands. Just one pull, and there would be no more monsters. No more disapproving looks. No more guilt. He lifts the gun a little now, studying it more closely. That scratch, from the time Dean shoved him aside to stop the vampire from tearing into him. Dean almost got himself killed that time, all because of him. Because he couldnt protect himself, and Dean always had to look out for him. He lits it higher, pressing the muzzle to the skin of his temple. Its so cold. He thought, with a startled giggle. So much colder than the hot salt water running down his face. How many people felt this cold before I killed them? He squeezes his eyes shut, his finger spasming over the trigger. Just one pull, Sam. One little pull and its all over. Everyone will be so much better. Dean will be so much happier. He held the gun a little tighter, sucking in a breath. It wont hurt. You wont even feel it. Just pull Sam. His finger is just starting to curl in, to pull the flimsy bit of metal that will solve all his problems, save himself, save Dean-

Even with his eyes open, Sam doesnt see the door open. Cant hear Dean calling out, asking where he is. Doesnt feel his brothers hands, shaking his chest and demanding he wake up. It was over, finally over, and he could finally rest, while Dean hugged his baby brother to his chest and sobbed.