Hey There Delilah

Part Ten-Invisible

Depression:
"a condition of general emotional dejection and withdrawal; sadness greater and more prolonged than that warranted by any objective reason."

This is how the doctors explained it.

It had been a month since Logan left, and I know I shouldn't feel this way, but i feel like something's missing.

Alek had gotten better though. His panic attacks happen less and less and are less severe. But i had gotten worse.

The normal things that made me happy don't make me smile anymore. I see things in black and white, instead of the usual vivid colours that used to surround me. I am breaking down.

A normal seventeen year old shouldn't feel like this.

Normal.

Perfect.

Pretty.

These words haunt us.

Girly.

Skinny.

Nice.

They are hopes set for us before we are born. We are told we need to be perfect. Perfect. Perfect.

Perfect is a gun that teases our insecurities.

Skinny is a knife that cuts for pleasure.

Normal is a standard that is expected from everyone, for everyone.

Girls and boys alike are taught to be handsome, pretty, polite, well-tempered.

That is not reality.

Reality is those days that you what netflix in sweats all day.

Reality is bad hair days.

Reality is normal.

Normal is inexistent.

Perfect is over rated.

Skinny is fake.

Ugly is...

A label.

All of these are labels, put on by the fear of others and ourselves because in our own mind we will never be enough.

Have you ever thought of what would happen if everyone stopped caring. All at once, no one cared about anything, anyone. The world would be a bitter place.

That is what Alek taught me.

Love myself.

Love others.

It seemed so simple.

Love myself.

What if I did.

If I could love myself like you love me, Life would be amazing.

If I love myself like Alek loved me, I would be so happy.

Alek loved me.

I am loved.

He could help me.