Don't Cry Little One

I don't think I'll be able to forget that one morning when my youngest child came home after sneaking out for the first time. I know she's already 24, but she's still my sweet, innocent and wonderfully weird Samuelle.

Call it mother's instinct but I woke up in the middle of the night feeling really off. I didn't bother waking up Robi and just went on with checking on Logan, Bruce Wayne and Sampalok. Both boys were snoring like hell already. But, to my surprise, Sam's bed was empty. Her balcony door was open. I wanted to panic and wake up the whole neighborhood, but I didn't. I just felt that she did this. She snuck out.

Ever since the day Sam was brought home by that Judas guy from being MIA for more than 24 hours, she became different. She was slowly changing. I felt scared and worried. But I know my daughter. We raised her well. I knew that I should trust her. So, I decided to wait for her to come back. I prayed hard that she comes home safe and sound.

Sam walked through the door at 4 AM. I was sitting on the couch as I looked at her from head to foot. Her long wavy hair was a mess. Her back slumped. Her hands were slightly shaking. She kept her head down. She rushed to where I was and hugged me tightly.

"I'm sorry, mom." She whispered.

I pulled away from Sam's embrace. I cupped her face and tuck a few strands of hair that strayed. She looked at me straight in the eye. And I knew then that something was missing. Gone is the innocence and sparkle in her eyes. I held her hand and squeezed it lightly- the warmth's gone. They were now cold. I looked back at her and saw nothing. I wrapped my arms around her so tight. I was thinking that if I hugged her hard enough she'd snap out of this zombie mode she's on. I was already saying a hundred prayers in my head. I was begging to the heavens to not take my little one's lovely soul. But, Sam pulled away from me and walked straight to her room.

After that day, Sam just stayed in her room most of the time. Halos hindi na sya pumupunta sa music school or sa Revert. Sumasabay naman sya samin kumain, pero pagkatapos ay magkukulong na sya ulit sa kwarto nya. Sinubukan na sya tanungin ni Robi kung anong problema nya, lagi naman niyang sinasabi na ayos lang sya. Her kuya Batman and kuya Wolverine also tried their luck. Inaya pa nga nila si Sam na pumunta ng Ibiza para bisitahin ang kuya Robi Liit nila. She just gave them a sad smile and went back to sleep. Lahat kami sa bahay ay nag-aalala na. Pati na rin si Gabrielle at Robi Liit na nasa ibang bansa ay gustong umuwi para kumustahin ang baby Sam namin.

Alam ko naman eh. Alam ko kung bakit biglang nagbago si Sam, pero natatakot akong harapin ang katotohanan na nagmamahal at nasasaktan ang bunso ko. At parang unti-unting pinapatay ang puso ko every time I look into her dead eyes.

One night, I walked past Sam's room and heard muffled sobs. Kumatok ako bago binuksan ang pinto. It was dark and the light passing through her glass window gave a little life in her room. Nakatagilid sya sa kama habang may akap na unan. Pumasok ako sa kwarto at umupo sa kama nya. I turned on her night light and tiny lights in the shape of stars illuminated the ceiling. I held her hand that lied still on the pillow she was hugging.

"Come here." I told her while patting my lap.

She moved towards me and laid her head on my lap. I brushed her hair with my fingers. Lagi ko ginagawa 'yon nung bata pa sya sa tuwing hindi sya makatulog o kapag may sakit sya.

"Please tell mommy how this happened. I'm ready to hear it now." I said.

I waited for her to speak, but she didn't.

"Your heart's broken... I know. Kasi yung ganoong sakit lang ang kayang pumatay ng taong masaya. The night I caught you from sneaking out, alam ko na that we lost you. The innocence and sparkle in your eyes were gone. Did that Judas take it away?" I asked her.