You Could be a Hero

When he throws the pills out a hero is made

Mathew POV:

5th grade was it? When we were finished arguing and we left each other's side? Five years ago.... Six and a half now... But then it was five. He knew those words. Those was his chosen last. Looking me dead in the eyes. The pretty blue I often had a crush on soon turned into me hating that color and making me feel awful whenever I see it. Blue, white, and red. Colors that will forever hate my life. Funny thing is, they'll never leave me. He's never going to leave me. No, he didn't kill any person in that room that day, but he did kill a victim that I could of saved. I should of continued trying to save him. Now our once hidden code was one that is burning my head. Blue eyes, White flash, red everywhere. Breaths taken away. I was no exception. That night, I did something that I tried staying away from after I tried being strong, no luck what so ever. Red over filled and stained a little piece of metal. Clear blue tears rolling down my face. That was the first time after a three year break. But I guess my other way that I was able to use was taking it out on someone else, but he.... I caused him to much pain. Metal to the head. Quick and simple I guess, but why make it public? Did he completely plan it all? He used every single bullet, all three of them. None which were aimed at anyone. He was fine that day before. He was like that person I left before when he was actually happy. Now that he's gone, more guilt has piled onto me.

Small remarks I made. I never thought they would be daggers. Now, I'm isolated. Once fitted in, then here I am. Bulling stopped for the rest of the school year. Hardly anyone could go into the lunch room anymore. If they did, it was far away from the blood stained spot. Cleaning took it away, but somethings can't be just cleaned up. And now it's Junior year. No one notices I'm even here anymore. When I was noticed was when Alfred was around. When we were younger, everyone called us twins and everyone knew we excited. After 5th grade, me being noticed dropped stagnantly. I was able to grasp some people's attention, but not as many as I used to with him. Not until 8th grade did I start saying little comments about Alfred to others. At first it was to fix other people's gossip to see if would stop, but I guess it increased it. And pleasure of fitting made me tell them all the dirty secrets of him with no second thought. Now, with him completely gone, I just become the ghost in the classroom. My teachers often forget to say my name through roll call, everyone forgot who I am, and most don't even acknowledge my existence.

Funny how  the dark thoughts that Alfie had, are now the ones going my own head. Personally, when the cold rusty metal releases the liquid making us stay alive, I feel better. No one notices the cuts. No one notices me. I don't think, No. I know no one will care. The only one that I could of saved, the only one I know that cared by planning those last words, f*cking shot himself in the f*cking head. I made it worst for him. I could of stepped in at any moment. Heck! I could of tackled him down and telling him that I still cared. Telling him stupid stuff running through my head. And now I got to find out I was jealous that it seemed that he never caught his eyes on me, that I made those irrational actions instead of trying to tell him what was going though my own head. Who would ever f*cking knew I basically killed the one that I f*cking love.

Tears running down my face as my hands tried blocking out that sentence over and over.  "I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm f*cking fine." A low whisper came from me, "save me."

My eyes glanced up at the bottle of perception meds for my depression. More and more thoughts went through my head. I grabbed the bottle and quickly opened it. Pills pored into my hand. Around 35 pills were there. I was just about to pop them into my mouth when a dim light came from the other side of the room. I tried to stand up from the corner of the room, but my legs were way to weak. The light slowly turned into a almost fully transparent figure. They walked forward, and a smile was written onto their face. I know that smile. Alfred.

"The hero always saves the ones who are hurting," he spoke that seemed like a soft whisper. Tears perked into my eyes.

"H-h-how..? Y-y-you left us all.... Y-y-you left me..." I looked down, away from him. Light streams came over my light blushing cheeks. I felt a hand go under my chin and lift my face. His aquatic blue eyes looked straight into mine. I can feel the pain and sorrow in them. Without any warning, he hugged me and was able to lift me off my feet a little of the ground. My eyes widen as this happened, and sank in with a light sobbing was heard from him. My head rested on whatever was his shoulder and wrapped my arms around him. "I'm sorry Alfred. I'm so f*cking sorry that I'm a f*cking mess and ruined your only life. Please... Let me join you...." Streams turned into a hiccuping mess of rivers. The hug slowly put us back onto the ground on our knees.

"Please Mattie. Don't. Live for me. Live for your sick mom. I forgave you the day before I did such a thing. I forgave everyone. I only punched that dude so he could tell his brother the truth. He truly needed it." A weak smile came onto his face.

"I-I just don't know how much more I-I *hic* can handle..." I said sobbing once more. Alfred decided to do another outrageous thing. I got to feel his warm hands cup my face and pull me into a kiss. My eyes opened quickly from shock then slowly flutter shut. I have no clue how it was possible that he could do this all when he's dead, but it felt so real... Butterflies filled my insides. Once a dark place was being filled with glowing fireflies and tingly warm feelings. Nothing really passionate about the kiss other than it connected us with our lips. Nothing but lips touching. It felt like eternity before he separated our lips. His eyes locked onto mine.

"Please?" A whisper came from him. I nodded, even though I could still feel the year beads in my eyes. He wrapped his arms my neck in shoulders. Mine instantly hugged his torso with my eyes closed and head on his shoulder. "Thank you, Mattie," a whisper came and left. My arms dropped as soon as I realized that his dim light was gone.

"No problem Alfie.... Thank you for being my hero.." I whispered as I tried collecting myself. I grabbed the pills that were across the carpet floor and put them back into the bottle. I went out to my outside trash and threw them away. I didn't need them. I didn't need any of them. Alfie saved me from myself. He forgave me. Time to help others as well. He would want me to take place of being the hero.