It's called Crank...
In the Army it's called K.P. duty or kitchen patrol, in the Navy they call it Mess Crank. You work the Mess or kitchen, 16 hours a day for 90 shitty days. I assume that is why they call us Cranks and yes, it's a fucking Mess.
"The five your late is the five your staying during break, Seaman Swimmer," the Chief Cook said as I took my place in the kitchen for Morning Quarters.
All the Cranks snickered at my name, like everyone does. If your name was Swimmer, would you join the ranks of enlisted seaman? I'm not that smart.
"Get a fucking haircut!" Chief barked in my face with coffee breath before opening the gate holding back 350 hungry assholes.
"Why is there no clean aprons?" I asked my fellow Cranks.
No one cared.
"I'm not wearing this, looks like somebody shit on it!" I tossed the last apron into the laundry bucket and took my place on the serving line.
350 tired and crabby sailors file through this line for three squares, everyday you're at sea. We have been at sea for three miserable weeks. Everybody is a crank. Half the time I don't even look up from the steaming metal food bins I serve from. You're crabby, their crabby. Who gives a fuck, this place smells like shit?
This job sucks, everybody knows it. Your old friends on the ship stop talking to you while you do it. You stop talking to those guys when it's their turn. But everybody has to do it at some point. It's the hardest badge of honor you had to earn in Bill Clinton's Navy. You're going to Hell for 90 days, buck up Shipmate. You're not going to be the same person you were. You definitely won't smell the same.
I was cruising through the shit before this happened. Now I'm wading, trying to stay afloat. Most Cranks turn to the bottle. You can't get so lucky at sea... unless you sailed for the Royal Canadian Navy. Those bastards drink and drive...
Ok I admit, having this same job in prison must be worse, but by how much? Now compare this to the next shitty job up from this.
The 90-days of the Mess Crank is the death of youthful optimism. At least mine. Hip hip, back to the ship.
