When your life seems to come to a halt, what becomes of you? When the universe keeps going and the people keep moving and the leaves. The leaves keep falling. Until one day there are no longer any leaves left for that tree to scatter upon the earth. That was where I was at in my life. I had no more to give, no more to do, and no more to achieve. Sure, over time those leaves will grow back and a new season emerges from the fog, but for those couple of months in a trees life, everything stops. Trees live much longer lives than humans, if they live to their full potential, so that season in that trees life could be years in yours. How do you grow your leaves back? Or am I the tree which dies that season and life continues into Spring? How does one tell?
I got up from my browsing position which, I admit, took a lot of self control. This wasn't an existential crisis I was having, though some may classify it as that. This was questioning everything, not just the point of my existence, but the point of any existence and why things happen. I looked outside my window. Time seemed to be slipping between my fingers and I couldn't stop it, but there was a question haunting me. Did I want to stop it? I am not afraid of death, and I believe those who are have been too focused on the inevitable and have forgotten how to live. That does not mean however it is something I look forward too.
There is something I have never quite understood though. If majority of people are afraid of death, why do they waste their lives? When I was younger I told my teacher we all waste our lives in our own little boxes, doing the same routines and wondering why we aren't fully satisfied. She thought I was crazy and tried to explain to me how houses aren't boxes, they are buildings which people lived in. I then went on to say I wasn't stupid and was joking with her, as to not be placed in a mental asylum. I learnt that thoughts are best kept in your head and not spoken aloud, for the fear of others to judge you. While we keep them inside though a silent rebellion is coming and thoughts need to be let out. Most people find someone to confide in and trust. This is ultimately our downfall. We as the human race trust the wrong people, or don't trust anyone. In your life I promise there will be people who misplace your trust, but remember.
The tree grows its leaves again.
