If only I could say it, those three words fogging up my head, tearing me apart limb for limb, it's killing me. Everyday comes an opportunity but I know he doesn't feel the same. I don't want it to be this way, I didn't ask for this! My mild transformation became a crazy obsession. He has hold of my actions, thoughts, and everything I have; without even...trying. I don't want to know that I won't be his first kiss, first hug, first..."I love you." But reality is pulling me in like I'm a big heavy anchor that doesn't want too move on from the depths of the big flowing water that surrounds me. That water full of hope, confidence, persistence. My thoughts are in the waves, where my brain in underwater drowning reality with every foot over and washing away my feelings. Tear after tear as I keep saying sorry to myself, sorry for ever letting this happen. Tearing my body apart, demolishing same, destroying friends all because of one stupid guy. That guy that cannot stop seeping into the crevasses of every thought, memory, illusion. My body was not immune to his power. I was kind to myself, noticed when I looked beautiful in the morning. Now every day goes by and I'm constantly worrying about what he will say, what he will think. Will he notice that extra layer I put on just for him? I tend to screw everything up. I blurt something out and the last person he wants to be kissing is me. His friends call it an obsession, my friends call it weird, I call it crazy in love.
