Black Butler: The Phantomhive Secret

Chapter eight

  I stayed in my room for the rest of the night, but did not sleep; I isn't even change into my night clothes. I stared into space, alone with my thoughts.
  Around two thirty I heard noises that were uncharacteristic of Sebastian, he's normally silent in everything he does, like footsteps and the opening of doors. I crept downstairs to see what was going on.
  I looked out from behind a doorway to see what was happening. I saw Alois passing lightly throughout the manor. He had a long silver object that I realized was a sword. Alois stopped moving.
  "How rude of you to be such a stranger with me Ciel," he had seen me. "I am your guest after all, you should greet me."
  I appeared from inside the doorway I hid behind, "Would you be quiet. You wouldn't want Sebastian to come in here," he's a demon so he wouldn't be sleeping.
  "I think I should be the one giving the orders here. I am the one with a sword," he swung the blade dangerously about him.
  "And what are you going to do with that sword," I mocked him.
  "Kill you."
  "I'd like to see you try."
  I was sarcastic and smug, but deep down I truly wanted him to kill me.
  He lunged at me with the sword and I stepped to the side.
  "How obvious," I muttered.
  He put his hands on my shoulders and wrapped his leg behind mine  causing me to lose my balance and fall to the floor. He pinned me to the ground by straddling my waist and held the point of the sword at my neck. He pressed lightly.
  "Do it. I dare you," I said mockingly. Yes, please do it, I'm begging you.
  He did not answer, just looked at me in anger, but there was confusion and fear in his face. I knew he couldn't do it.
  "Just kill me already!" This was taking too long.
  He did nothing.
  "Please, just kill me," I whispered, I was desperate and truly wanted to die.
  A tear escaped my eye and rolled down the side of my face. I didn't know if it was from frustration, or fear of how crazy I was.
  "Just do it!" I yelled wildly.
  He moved the sword away from me and laid it on the ground. He leaned back in his heels.
  "Ciel?" He whispered in sad confusion as he got off me.
  "What are you doing? Why didn't you kill me?"
  "Ciel, please tell me you don't mean that," he sat next to me, and I sat up.
  "You were going to do it weren't you?" I glared at him impatiently.
  "Uh, I mean...I had intended to, but...."
  "Then it doesn't matter."
  "Ciel.." Was that sympathy in his voice?!
  "Do you need something? If not, please leave."
  "I can't...not after...after that."
  "After what? Nothing happened. It doesn't matter. Just go," I turned my head away in embarrassment, I had been careless to let him see me like that.
  "No. I'm not leaving! I want to help you!"
  "I don't need help! Will everybody just leave me alone?!" I yelled, a few more tears forming in my eyes but not falling.
  "I didn't know we had a guest," Sebastian had appeared in the doorway. He shifted his gaze slightly from us to the sword without saying anything, but he seemed to take a mental note of it.
  "I should get going," Alois seemed uneasy with the butler around.
  "Sir Trancy, it is quite late. It would not be a bother if you'd like to stay the night," Sebastian was probably trying to make up for me attacking Alois by being kind, but he seemed to have another motive.
  I didn't want him to stay the night. He would only pester me with stupid questions.
  "U-uh if th-that would be alright," he stuttered.
  "It's always a pleasure."
  No no no!
  "Okay."
  "I'll go prepare some night clothes for you. Ciel, would you mind sharing a bed to night?"
  Every fiber of me wanted to scream no, but I found myself saying, "Whatever."
  Sebastian left, and Alois looked at me in fear.
  "Ciel, what do I do with this," Alois hissed in a panic gesturing to the sword.
  I picked it up and leaned it against the wall nearest us behind a table with a plant on it. It wasn't hidden, but it was out of sight for now.
  "Thank you Ciel. Thank you so much. How can I repay you?" He asked frantically.
  "Leave me alone."
  "Huh?"
  "You can repay me by leaving me alone."
  "Oh."

  We made our way to my room. Sebastian handed Alois his borrowed clothing, and he went to the washroom to put them on. I got dressed in my room with the assistance of Sebastian. It was like normal for once: he helped me out of the day's clothes and into the night's without much conversation. He didn't spend time looking at the cuts and scars that littered my body nor did he comment on them. It was nice to have life feel simple if only for a few moments.
  Once I had changed, I sat on my bed until Alois came out in his night clothes. He had his clothes from the day in a neatly folded pile and placed them in a corner of the room.
  As he made his way to the bed, I began getting situated under the covers on the right side of the bed. I pulled the heavy blanket over my chin and faced my back toward Alois. He got comfortable and we laid in uncomfortable silence.
  "Ciel?" Alois asked after a few minutes.
  "What?" I asked, irritated.
  "I know you told me not to bother you but...it's just that, that I'm worried....about you."
  "Uh-huh," I mumbled, annoyed by the number of times in the last forty-eight hours I had heard statements similar to that. 'I'm worried,' 'you need help,' I mentally rolled my eyes.
  "Really, you're scaring me. And-"
  "Why do you care. Since the day I met you you've wanted me dead. What would make you care about me in the slightest?"
  "I don't want you dead. Sure, we didn't get along, and my dear Claude would love to eat your soul, but I don't want you dead. You wouldn't be fun as a lifeless corpse."
  "I'm not fun now," I mumbled.
  "In the contrary, you are the most fun and exciting person I have."
  "You don't 'have' me."
  "But I thought we were friends," he said sadly causing me to feel my heart twist.
  "You thought wrong," I said coldly as my heart squeezed in pity. I had no reason to care about this blond devil, yet I couldn't stop the urge to be kind to him like when I hid the sword for him.
  "Ciel, you don't mean that," it was more of a question than a statement.
  "No, I don't," I admitted reluctantly, "It's just... I don't know," I paused for a long moment, and took a deep breath, "I sometimes say things I don't mean, and I don't know why.  I feel all these stupid emotions for no reason-sadness, anxiety, numbness-and I act on them. I'm worthless, and there is really no use for me.  I want to stop feeling these things so I thought...I thought death would help. I don't know if it will, but I think dying would be better than living this way. I just really hate living..." I paused for a moment, "I don't really know why I said all that, but now you know."
  "Thank you. That's all you had to do."
  I was amazed that he didn't ask anymore questions or pester me. We laid there and babbled about useless stuff, and it was kind of nice to talk casually with someone for once.
  We were still talking when the sun began to rise, and eventually went to sleep around nine thirty.

A/N- I hope you enjoyed and this was worth the wait. Thank you all so much for everything.