Diabolik lovers-Addiction and temptation

What's this feeling???(chpt 20)

"What?" I said covering my face with a pillow,"Tell him to leave,we can protect you,it's not necessary for him to stay here,Make him go" Ayato said while removing the pillow which was on my face,laito was silent,he was just holding my hand tightly as if someone would come and steal it from him,"No he wont go,even if i know that i can protect myself,i wont let him go,he's my friend he consider me like one too not like you guys who consider me like a bloodbag!!!!He understand me and make me laugh even when i'm sad or angry" i continued voice dropping "Seeing him was like seeing a ray of hope,that maybe i still have time to live my life freely,maybe i can laugh again like these days when i was with him" i smiled lightly thinking of the moments spent with Blade,"I'll never let him go never!!",i said tear filling my eyes blurring my vision and for the first time i felt something really strong and weak at the same time,both hurting and pleasuring my heart at the same time,i wasnt sure of what it was but i was sure of one thing that this feeling is unbreakable, was Blade the root of this feeling?? If it is then how?what is this strange feeling??, i was shocked myself,Ayato havent spoken he just observed my reactions then said "Yui are you in love with Blade?" He said frowning voice breaking,Laito held my hand tighter,his hair covering his eyes, "N-no i'm not,i-i cant" saying as if trying to convince myself first but then confidently repeated it "No,i'm not" i continued "it's impossible,i'll have to choose one of u guys,there's no place for a third one" i said,that feeling grew bigger saying those words was like stabbing myself directly in the heart, Why the hell was i feeling this??? Ayato sighed and leaved the room i guess he's relieved now,i turned to see laito, there was still doubts in his eyes,"yui tell me the truth" he said trying not to break eye contact,"U just heard it" i said while looking down,"then why are u not able to look into my eyes?" He said lifting my chin with his hand and making me look into his eyes,"i dont know,i'm- i'm confused,i dont know what to do now,i dont even know what love is,what it feels like to be in love,what kinda feeling is that??" I couldnt hold my tears anymore i burst out crying,hugging laito as tight as i can,crying on his shoulder he hugged me back tightly,i myself didnt knew when i fell asleep in his arms i just knew that i had to choose royalty or love,should i continue doing what's written in my destiny or should master my own destiny?,Only 5 days left before my arisement,i'm lacking time......